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    There's A Film Called "The Hole In The Ground" That'll Supposedly Have You Sleeping With The Lights On, So I Watched And Here's Everything That Happens

    "Netflix's terrifying new horror [film] The Hole in the Ground will have you sleeping with the lights on."

    Greetings, folks, WE BACK with another horror film recap. Today's movie is called The Hole in the Ground. It's available on Amazon Prime or Netflix UK, but since I'm in 'Merica and don't have Prime (I know, roast me), I rented it for $3.99.

    BuzzFeed

    The Hole in the Ground has quickly drawn attention and very bold claims that it's the SCARIEST MOVIE OF 2019.

    A24, Republic, Metro, LAD Bible

    Here's how Amazon describes the movie:

    Amazon

    "A woman suspects that her son, who returned home after disappearing in the woods, is an imposter."

    OH BOY — seeing that "A24" before the movie let's you know you're about to be destroyed mentally and/or emotionally! Last year, A24 dropped Hereditary, which ruined my life/sleep for weeks; and this year they put out Midsommar, which didn't scare me so much as it made me feel like my mind needed deep exfoliation.

    A24

    So the movie description says this is about a kid getting swapped with an impostor. At the start, we see a kid hanging in the hall of mirrors and enjoying an amusement park. Is this Caucasian Us?!

    A24

    We see Sarah driving with her son, Chris. She looks away from the road for one second and...

    A24

    ...SARAH ALMOST HITS A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE. She swerves out of the way, then gets out of the car to check if the figure is all right.

    A24

    "HEY, SARAH, GET BACK IN THE CAR" METER: 8/10

    It only took 5 minutes and 36 seconds for this movie to make me say, "NOPE!"

    A24

    The figure is just standing in the middle of the road whispering like a weirdo.

    Sarah and Chris go home, Chris gets scared of a spider in the house (understandable), Sarah and Chris have a discussion about his absent father (who abused Sarah), then Chris gets upset and runs away. Now Sarah is searching for him.

    A24

    Chris has been kind of bratty for the first 10 minutes, and aside from his beautiful name, there's nothing too likable about him.

    Sarah eventually finds Chris, and he's actually being respectful and calm, so he might be the impostor the movie description was talking about.

    A24

    Later on, in the middle of the night, there's a loud slam. Sarah goes to check on Chris, but he's not in his room. She goes out into the woods searching for him and she sees a figure quickly hide behind a tree.

    A24

    NOPE METER: A hard 10/10.

    Sarah doesn't wait to see who the figure is or keep searching for Chris — she RUNS BACK HOME. I respect a rare realistic moment in a horror movie.

    A24

    Sarah calls the police to tell them Chris is missing, but he suddenly pops up behind her.

    A24

    She's like, "Bruh, where were you?" and he's like, "Mum, I've been home the whole time," and she's certain he wasn't, but she just kind of drops it because the movie must go on.

    The next day, Sarah and Chris are driving when she spots the weirdo in the road again. It's a woman named Noreen, so at least we know she's not an otherworldly entity or anything.

    A24

    Noreen tells Sarah what anyone who has read the movie's description already knows: This Chris isn't her Chris.

    A24

    Noreen is really determined to let Sarah know that this isn't her son.

    A24

    LIKE, REALLY DETERMINED.

    A24

    SO DETERMINED THAT SHE SLAMS HER HEAD INTO SARAH'S WINDSHIELD TO LET HER KNOW THAT'S NOT HER SON.

    A24

    "WE GET IT, THAT'S NOT HER SON" METER: 9/10

    (By the way: The man grabbing Noreen is her husband. He's trying to stop her from smashing her noggin on the car window like she's a bro crushing a beer can on his head.)

    QUICK-ESCALATION ALERT: The next day, Sarah finds Noreen murdered. The killer (gee, I wonder who it could be?) buried Noreen's head in the ground and let the crows have at her.

    A24

    "CRUEL AND HONESTLY JUST PLAIN RUDE MURDER" METER: 9/10

    At Noreen's funeral, her husband tells Sarah that he and Noreen had a son named James. He says that Noreen used to think James was an impostor and she thought she could tell this by his reflection in mirrors, which she grew obsessed with.

    A24

    Sarah and Chris have a bit of an argument. Chris gets upset and shoves AN ENTIRE TABLE across the kitchen.

    A24

    Chris tries to apologize and be like, "Sorry, Mum" in his remorseful, innocent-little-kid voice, but this boy definitely exposed that he has superhero strength with supervillain energy.

    Later on, Sarah hears Chris doing some weird shit in his room, so she takes a peek and he's shuffling around like a weirdo, then he eats a spider.

    A24

    I realize I keep using the word "weirdo" throughout this, but that's the only way to describe these folks.

    ALSO, after seeing your kid contort their body like a demon and munch on a brown recluse, most people would be done parenting said child...

    BUT NOT SARAH. Instead she sets up a camera, because I guess she wants to make vlogs of this creepy kid doing horrifying things.

    A24

    A rare bad decision by Sarah — let's see how this plays out...

    Chris has a presentation at school and Sarah gets freaked out by the creepy little shit being creepy as shit, so SHE LEAVES HIM BEHIND. Like, she literally runs out of the school and drives home without him.

    A24

    I actually laughed out loud at this because I feel like it's something you'd actually do if you realized your kid was a changeling. Shoutout to Sarah for being one of the more realistic movie characters I've seen in a minute.

    Chris returns home, but Sarah has watched those recordings of him, so she knows he's a demon. She feeds Chris dinner, then tells him straight up that she knows he's not her son.

    A24

    The impostor fully stops pretending to be Chris and attacks Sarah.

    A24

    The impostor takes the unconscious Sarah outside and he's burying her head in the dirt, when suddenly he collapses. Sarah had drugged his food earlier (BRILLIANT MOVE).

    A24

    Sarah wakes up. The impostor stays down.

    A24

    Sarah locks the impostor in the basement.

    A24

    "GOT HIS ASS" METER: 8/10, because I don't 100% trust that he can't break out of a basement.

    Then Sarah runs into the woods and goes down a hole searching for the real Chris.

    A24

    Sarah finds the real Chris in the hole and takes him to the car, then burns the house down (with the impostor still in it). Everything went so smoothly, I'm shocked. Honestly, this is an all-time great performance by a horror character. Sarah DID NOT have time for the classic scary-movie antagonist-returns-for-a-final-showdown bullshit. This movie is under an hour and a half because of Sarah's efficiency.

    A24

    It could've easily been an hour and 45 minutes or 2 hours if she behaved like the ninnies in most horror flicks. Sarah is a legend.

    We jump ahead to the near future, where we see that Sarah and Chris live in a home that has hella mirrors, presumably so she can check on her son's reflection just in case another demon or whatever decides to steal his identity.

    A24

    Sarah is watching Chris from the window, snapping photos of him riding his bike.

    A24

    Uh-oh. She notices his face in one photo is looking a little blurry.

    A24

    Actually, more than a little blurry.

    A24

    OH, THAT BOY'S A DEMON, ISN'T HE?

    A24

    Sarah assesses the photo, stands there thinking, then walks off. And that's it, FIN!

    A24

    Not since the conclusion of Inception, where we're left to wonder if the top stops spinning, have I wanted a more definitive ending.

    FINAL THOUGHTS:

    A24

    SCARY LEVEL: 6/10. Minimal scares. Even the most cowardly cowards should be able to sleep with the lights off after watching.

    OVERALL RATING: 8/10. It's a really solid movie that'll entertain you, though again, it probably won't leave you super scared.

    SHOULD YOU WATCH? I would like y'all to watch because there's definitely a metaphor/bigger meaning here that my dumbass completely missed. I just know it. And I plan to give it a rewatch while I still have the rental.

    LINE FROM THE MOVIE THAT I'D BE MOST TERRIFIED TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY TO ME IRL: See above screenshot.

    PREVIOUSLY WATCHED:

    Girl on the Third Floor on Amazon

    Eli on Netflix

    Eerie on Netflix

    Secret Obsession on Netflix

    Midsommar in theaters

    Murder Mystery on Netflix

    The Perfection on Netflix

    The Wandering Earth on Netflix

    The Silence on Netflix

    Black Summer on Netflix

    How It Ends on Netflix

    Set It Up on Netflix

    The Kissing Booth on Netflix

    Veronica on Netflix

    Dude on Netflix

    Irreplaceable You on Netflix

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