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100 Hilarious Food Tweets From 2018 That'll Make You Laugh So Hard You'll Burn Calories

"Sunny D tastes like someone made a bet that they could make orange juice without oranges."

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By the time I get this bread it’s gone be STALE. IM TIRED.

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boss: you failed your drug test me: there were poppyseeds on my bagel boss: so what about the weed and amphetamines me: boss: me: it was an everything bagel

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every drink i make is a handcrafted beverage made with care and craft

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I'm at a wedding and they went with a Gritty cake, so rest assured that there is ONE thing in this universe that isn't garbage trash https://t.co/OEajyvsNFX

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This is the epitome of transferable job skills https://t.co/G6SyveH7UK

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the class system in the u.s. is people who search food in google maps vs people who search restaurants

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do y’all light the fire before or after you pour the milk

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does....justin bieber not know how... burritos work ?

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Me leaving a pan to soak after cooking knowing I have absolutely no intention of washing it

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I went through the chick fil a drive through bawling and the girl asked me if I wanted a chocolate or vanilla milkshake. And I was like no I ordered a sweet tea and she goes “no honey you need a milkshake” Service: unmatched

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here’s a never-ending video of a man distributing rotis to some monkeys. congratulations on making it through today

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You say you love mangos, but do you love mangos as much as the guy i saw ripping one apart for lunch with his bare hands and teeth in a cold New York City park? He was wearing an overcoat and beanie.

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THESE COOKIES ARE VERY GOOD TO ME

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how you secure the bag after getting that bread...

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well his name isn't Cookathome Malone https://t.co/XdFw1Id7Wr

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Me: iight fine let’s go get something to eat Her:

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When your son Kyle is hungry after motocross practice

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burger king bought surge back ??? taste like that good battery acid 😎👌🏽

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Pull up, then, Karen. https://t.co/9VJFCp7aXz

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so at my school today there was a fight between the chick fil A cows and chickens 😭 just watch please

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How im walking in on thanksgiving to get my plate

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Me: I need to start saving money Someone: hi Me: you’re right, we should go eat out

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Lmao nobody can say they knew this

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Lmao nobody can say they knew this

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i wouldn’t even cook crack in here https://t.co/oqNGyYg2do

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* breathes heavy * Its a bad mufucka https://t.co/5JhaPLsd3K

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U literally did the most to create oatmeal https://t.co/SXk5FnipCe

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told him I was taking him out to dinner and he ordered a $250 steak lmao

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why does half of Twitter think they're going to lead a communist uprising when they're too scared to order pizza on the phone

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this is exactly what McDonald’s sprite taste like https://t.co/ZRsE5NtHd1

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I went ahead and exposed they ass.

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Sunny D tastes like someone made a bet that they could make orange juice without oranges.

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Me: “I’m hungry I’m finna get something to eat” My bank account:

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I blanked when I got to the counter at Starbucks and said “vodka soda” and she said “huh” and I said “huh” and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.

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block me if you eat like this https://t.co/gLGlC2Rheu

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RUN ME MY CHECK https://t.co/fSz7sTG2lu

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no ice? just freeze some water. https://t.co/YID3kHAJou

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Why is this video sexy https://t.co/15eWI8TS7p

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Uni has taught me that if food fits in something, you can eat out of that thing

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I was asked to make a dessert 🦃✌🏽

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dude: hey u eaten yet? me: no but i’m hungry dude: ight bet! well i have plans catch u later tho?

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How much spinach I start cooking vs how much I end up with.

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I fucking love toast, what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like "cook it again", unreal

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I have been vegan for 11 years, but I was pinched by a crab today, and I feel it is only fair that I be allowed to eat one (1) of them as retribution.

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[ikea date] him: let’s go check out the beds ;) me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?

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Me at Olive Garden looking at the menu knowing damn well I’m getting Chicken Alfredo

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I like eating Salt and Vinegar chips because it hurts a little and I feel like I deserve that for choosing to eat chips

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Waiter: and for you? Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas

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torn between getting chinese food for dinner and just fucking dying

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i texted my dad saying “happy monday let’s get this bread”. his response was “i can go to Costco after work”. amazing

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Me: [talking out loud while I write in my diary] today was ok, I just wish I could have eaten more breadsticks Waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks

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*at a restaurant with a baby* separate checks please

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My husband and I just sat in our car outside of our house and ate a huge piece of carrot cake because we didn’t want to share it with our kids.

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My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.

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[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

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Made a sandwich 10 min ago and been looking for it ever since then🤦🏾‍♂️ I gotta stop smoking😂

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BEFORE HAVING KIDS: "I am NEVER making separate meals for my children" 4 YEARS LATER: "Let me repeat your order: tri-color pasta (al dente) with butter & cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its."

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[McDonalds drive thru] toddler [possibly drunk] ASK IF THEY HAVE POP TARTS

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good morning, i went to chick-fil-a for breakfast and my total came out to $6.66 so the cashier changed it to 6.26 and gave me a large lemonade for free. the devil works hard but damn do chick-fil-a employees work harder

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Always carry a potato wrapped in foil to a party. It's a conversation starter: "Ever seen a lion's egg?" A conversation avoider: "Excuse me! Hot hot hot!" A conversation ender: "Just got this cyst removed. Feel how heavy!" Always carry a potato wrapped in foil to a party.

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Me: “okay I’m done spending money.” Friend: “wanna go eat?” Me:

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Saw my ex working at McDonalds and she spit in my drink, acting like I'd be disgusted LMAOOO bitch I ate your ass this aint nothing bon appetite

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wife: *handing me a bowl of raspberries* we have to eat these before they go bad me: that is true of literally every food

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“you still eat Scooby-Doo gummies?” me:

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I dropped a box of spaghetti on the ground and accidentally graduated from Art School.

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Sometimes I just look at pictures of the earth from space and I marvel at how beautiful it all is.

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*accidentally eats fruit seed* Friend: Omg you know it’s gonna grow in your stomach??????? 7 yr old me:

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dough: a bread, an uncooked bread ray: of sun that cooks the bread me: a gal who eats the bread fa: ther also eats the bread so: da bread’s a kind of bread la: vash is another bread tea: a drink. anyway, bread! that will bring us back to dough

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I keep subtitles on when watching netflix cause my fatass cant hear whats going on over the munching of snacks

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waitress: i’m sorry your food is taking so long! me: *presses forehead against hers* listen to me. i know it’s not your fault. i love you. i am tipping you 80%.

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My daughter said her English class requires 1,000 pages of summer reading so we went to The Cheesecake Factory and I handed her a menu

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men: -ugly -gross -cost you ur peace tostitos hint of lime tortilla chips: -beautiful -delicious -cost $3.99

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I was going to pay $100/hour to see a psychic, but fortunately I found a huge bag of fortune cookies for $18.50 instead.

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Someone in my neighborhood is cooking bacon and now I'm wondering if I should have been more friendly to my neighbors for the last 18 years.

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is it logical to eat pho every day

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Do y’all eat these popsicles like this? or like this? Fav if u agree

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i just wanna say i am SO thankful for fucking potatoes. they are literally good in any form?? french fries? smack. mashed potatoes? smack. baked potatoes? smack. tater tots? smack. skillet potatoes? SMACK. name a form of potatoes that isn’t good....i’ll wait

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[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

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This is why I chose Cal State Fullerton over Harvard https://t.co/Xh3AALDHqa

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My sister brought the Grinch an onion yesterday and I about died 😂😂😂

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My cat is going through a phase where he doesn’t eat unless I sit with him.

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This is a pro soup account. If you don’t like soup fuck you

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My fatass was drunk last night and had a photo shoot with my McDonald’s hashbrown at 4AM

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Whoever invented tacos was in they fuckin bag that day

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Directions: Allow food to sit for five minutes before consuming. Me: No.

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Learning to cook watching the Food Network. Today I made a puréed nut spread with a grape reduction on brioche bread...

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[ordering from the dollar menu] me: hi i'll have 7 dollars please

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Whoever is making cheese commercials can save their money. We’re buying cheese and and we’re never going to stop buying cheese.