Skip To Content

    21 Suspicions Every Crier Has About Non-Criers

    Inquiring about lost souls.

    If you're a normal person with a soul, everything has the potential to trigger your tear ducts: babies, sunsets, and figuring out transportation.

    I'm crying because I can't afford this dog

    But there are some people out there who have an excess of salt in their bodies because they have no way of letting it out.

    HOW? WHY? WHAT IS BEHIND THIS TEARLESS MADNESS???

    1. Maybe they were denied a good cry as kids.

    2. Sadness is probably lost somewhere in their long-term memory.

    3. Maybe they didn't have imaginary friends growing up.

    4. They're quite possibly sociopaths who don't listen to music during their commute.

    5. Perhaps their special power is having incredibly elastic arms.

    6. They're probably not capable of coming up with cunning strategies.

    7. Maybe they've never been in love.

    8. Or they're just walking around everyday slowly perishing.

    9. It's possible that they materialized from an idea and therefore have no parents.

    10. They most likely filled their insides with helium a long time ago.

    11. Maybe this is what's going on behind fifty shades of APATHY.

    12. They've probably never experienced a major blow to the face.

    13. They're just low-key eating ice cream all the time to freeze all potential tears.

    14. Maybe they were gifted with a perfect set of teeth.

    15. Again, they've presumably never been in love.

    16. They probably buy only the highest grade of non-runny makeup.

    17. Maybe they're aliens and haven't learned how to accept a human heart.

    18. Therefore they have an extraterrestrial lover that prevents them from ever being alone.

    19. They're actually vampires because they've never had a bad morning.

    20. It's highly likely that they take pleasure in the struggles of others.

    21. Maybe non-criers do get hit by emotional waves but cope in another physiological way, like sweating or ranting.

    But every crier knows that the secret to staying strong is to let everything out, because then you'll never cry for someone who doesn't deserve those tears.