1. Heels suck enough already, so instead of consuming them in pain, we should enjoy them in chocolatey delight.
2. Chitlins and gizzards aren't for everyone, so let's just serve chocolate organs.
3. When they said, "perfect men don't exist," they sure weren't talking about the chocolate male species.
4. Imagine our world today if we shot chocolate bullets every time we fired a gun instead of metal ones.
5. Video games are cool, but will they sustain you after you've been at it for more than 48 hours?!?
6. Everything utilitarian seems useless once you realize spoons can be made out of chocolate.
7. If anatomy is odiously associated with death, then we might as well shift our repulsive responses with something sweeter.
8. Escape the anguish of golf and savor the saccharine relief of these golf balls.
9. Even though chocolate rats are just as bad as real ones, at least these won't terrorize your dreams.
10. Reignite your love for the earth by discovering the wonders of chocolate rocks.
11. Eat vegetables.
12. Fix that sink another day and instead, eat chocolate!!
13. To hell with your teeth with these white chocolate dentures.
14. OK, yes, Legos are really neat, but at the end of the day, wouldn't you rather eat them??
15. Squirrels.
16. Lipstick already gets on your teeth so we might as well eat it.
17. Fill your body with something that won't impregnate you!!!
18. Butts are great, but shiny chocolate ones that you can bite into without injuring someone are just better.
19. Scream, but feel a little reassured that these aren't actual piles of shit.
