7 Reasons We Shouldn't Be Surprised About Franzia's Arsenic Problem

Because this stuff would have killed us anyways.

If you've been paying attention to the news, you may have heard about the latest Franzia scandal.

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According to a CBS News Report, "Franzia White Grenache had five times the EPA limit [of arsenic levels] for drinking water."

Nothing against the sweet nectar that has been a friend to our college budget...

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....but we could have seen this coming. Here's why:

1. Three words: Slap the bag.

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The most painful "great idea" you'll have before leaving to go out. Probably due to arsenic, and the fact that wine shouldn't be in a bag hovering over your face.

2. Franzia hangovers.

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You may question whether or not you've been hit by a bus the morning after. Also probably due to the arsenic.

3. It was created by this guy.

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We appreciate your contribution, Fred, but you eating the grapes like that can't be sanitary.

4. You get about 8 bottles of wine for under $20.

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The cheaper the wine, the higher chance there's probably a lot of arsenic in there.

5. It puts you right to sleep!

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AKA IT'S KILLING YOU. THE ARSENIC IS PHYSICALLY PUTTING YOU TO SLEEP.

6. Their flavor names try a little too hard.

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Sunset Blush? Chillable Red? Refreshing White?

Next flavor: Poisonous Poison, perhaps.

7. If Fireball can have anti-freeze, Franzia can have arsenic.

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And we'll all probably still buy it. Cheers!