1. This AMC Theatre combo meal.
So he could take you to the movies and enjoy your salty taste.
2. This T-shirt.
So he could feel you up and vandalize you all over.
3. This mustache.
So you could sit on his face 24/7.
4. This plaid kilt.
So his hand could casually brush against you.
5. This football.
So he could score a touchdown with you … shirtless … on the beach.
6. This microphone.
So he could talk dirty into you.
7. This book.
So he could lick his finger and turn your page.
8. This director’s chair.
So you could feel him pressed up against you as he sits on your lap.
9. This cell phone.
So you could flash him.
10. This foot attached to Judd Apatow.
So he could publicly tickle you on national television and hopefully develop a weird fetish for you.
11. This young girl’s glasses.
So you could watch his Ruddy ass walk away.
12. This couch.
So he could enjoy every inch of your crevasses.
13. This beard.
So you could keep him warm during the winter and occasionally make him itchy so he’d scratch you with his finger tips.
14. This glass of water.
So he could take a big gulp of you.
16. This book.
So he could stare at you for hours as he holds and moves his gentle fingers all over you.
17. This bowling ball.
So his finger could be inside of you as he uses his arm muscles to throw you around.
- One of the nation's top legal groups is seeking a wide array of records from four federal agencies to challenge Trump's potential business conflicts.
- Notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán has been extradited to the United States to face multiple charges.
- The turnout at Trump's inaugural concert was much smaller compared to the crowd that showed up for Obama's 2009 celebration.
- Gingers rejoice! A redhead emoji may be coming your way soon 🙌