18 Times Paul Rudd Made You Wish You Were An Inanimate Object

What a studd.

1. This AMC Theatre combo meal.

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So he could take you to the movies and enjoy your salty taste.

2. This T-shirt.

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So he could feel you up and vandalize you all over.

3. This mustache.

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So you could sit on his face 24/7.

4. This plaid kilt.

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So his hand could casually brush against you.

5. This football.

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So he could score a touchdown with you ... shirtless ... on the beach.

6. This microphone.

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So he could talk dirty into you.

7. This book.

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So he could lick his finger and turn your page.

8. This director's chair.

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So you could feel him pressed up against you as he sits on your lap.

9. This cell phone.

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So you could flash him.

10. This foot attached to Judd Apatow.

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So he could publicly tickle you on national television and hopefully develop a weird fetish for you.

11. This young girl's glasses.

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So you could watch his Ruddy ass walk away.

12. This couch.

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So he could enjoy every inch of your crevasses.

13. This beard.

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So you could keep him warm during the winter and occasionally make him itchy so he'd scratch you with his finger tips.

14. This glass of water.

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So he could take a big gulp of you.

15. This axe.

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So he could take you into the woods and chop his wood.

16. This book.

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So he could stare at you for hours as he holds and moves his gentle fingers all over you.

17. This bowling ball.

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So his finger could be inside of you as he uses his arm muscles to throw you around.

18. And this pair of underwear.

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For obvious reasons.