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Celebrity

18 Times Paul Rudd Made You Wish You Were An Inanimate Object

What a studd.

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1. This AMC Theatre combo meal.

So he could take you to the movies and enjoy your salty taste.
Bryan Bedder / Getty

So he could take you to the movies and enjoy your salty taste.

2. This T-shirt.

So he could feel you up and vandalize you all over.
Caroline McCredie / Getty

So he could feel you up and vandalize you all over.

3. This mustache.

So you could sit on his face 24/7.
Michael Loccisano / Getty

So you could sit on his face 24/7.

4. This plaid kilt.

So his hand could casually brush against you.
Jason Merritt / Getty

So his hand could casually brush against you.

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5. This football.

So he could score a touchdown with you ... shirtless ... on the beach.
Fameflynet Pictures

So he could score a touchdown with you ... shirtless ... on the beach.

6. This microphone.

So he could talk dirty into you.
Michael Loccisano / Getty

So he could talk dirty into you.

7. This book.

So he could lick his finger and turn your page.
Brad Barket / Getty

So he could lick his finger and turn your page.

8. This director's chair.

So you could feel him pressed up against you as he sits on your lap.
Jamie McCarthy / Getty

So you could feel him pressed up against you as he sits on your lap.

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9. This cell phone.

So you could flash him.
Mark Metcalfe / Getty

So you could flash him.

10. This foot attached to Judd Apatow.

So he could publicly tickle you on national television and hopefully develop a weird fetish for you.
Neilson Barnard / Getty

So he could publicly tickle you on national television and hopefully develop a weird fetish for you.

11. This young girl's glasses.

So you could watch his Ruddy ass walk away.
Christopher Polk / Getty

So you could watch his Ruddy ass walk away.

12. This couch.

So he could enjoy every inch of your crevasses.
Kevin Winter / Getty

So he could enjoy every inch of your crevasses.

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13. This beard.

So you could keep him warm during the winter and occasionally make him itchy so he'd scratch you with his finger tips.
Jason Merritt / Getty

So you could keep him warm during the winter and occasionally make him itchy so he'd scratch you with his finger tips.

14. This glass of water.

So he could take a big gulp of you.
Neilson Barnard / Getty

So he could take a big gulp of you.

15. This axe.

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So he could take you into the woods and chop his wood.

16. This book.

So he could stare at you for hours as he holds and moves his gentle fingers all over you.
Andrew H. Walker / Getty

So he could stare at you for hours as he holds and moves his gentle fingers all over you.

17. This bowling ball.

So his finger could be inside of you as he uses his arm muscles to throw you around.
Theo Wargo / Getty

So his finger could be inside of you as he uses his arm muscles to throw you around.

18. And this pair of underwear.

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For obvious reasons.