Hi everyone. I'm here today to talk about my favorite book in the Bible: The Book of Gomezra.
Selena Gomez just released her most flawless album to date, Revival, and it has actually slaughtered my entire existence and hung my unworthy flesh to dry in the smoggy LA air.
Revival is her most cohesive album to date and, for the first time, gives us a glimpse into Gomez's life instead of just beats we can pop our shampoo bottles to in the shower.
But most importantly, Revival marks the final "fuck you" to the ~same old~ calculated Disney pop star she was originally shipped as.
Alas, now that my queen has long gone ditched Disney and her illusive band "The Scene," Selena is perfectly primed save the pop industry and become the pop princess we need and deserve.
But the thing is, Selena has actually been a pop force for awhile now — long before she was just another member of #TaylorsSquad.
Tbh, I bet the non-gay/non-teen population would be surprised at how many Selena songs they actually know. Like her first sizable hit "Naturally" back in 2009.
Or the adorable yet empowering anthem "Who Says" from 2011.
Let's not forget about the earbug "Love You Like A Love Song."
Or her fiercely sexual debut single as a solo artist "Come & Get It."
And don't act like you didn't shed a tear or two whenever the radio would play "The Heart Wants What It Wants" last year.
SEE... YOU'RE A SELENA STAN AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.
My point is, Selena has been preparing to take throne for nearly six years now, and she deserves it. Her lead single "Good For You" stormed the Billboard charts and became her first Hot 100 top-five hit.
Meanwhile, your fav is still trynna chart.
Sure, Selena doesn't have the signature Demi/Xtina vocal-belting ability, but OH MY GAWD, has she perfected that lower register of hers.
And now, as we're plagued in a new age of pop where singers have ditched choreography for props and celebrity guest appearances, Selena is still werking every inch of the stage.
I'm not trynna start some drama, but Selena has long been a Selegend. This child ~gets it~. You should too.
Now everyone, bow and raise your Target deluxe copy of Revival... our rightful pop princess is here.