1. ¡Hola! Do you know why I'm paying tuition to work for free at an internship?
2. Can you help me use the map to find a boyfriend who texts me back? ¡Gracias!
3. Can you tell me how all of my friends are buying houses when I can't even afford a new backpack?
4. Have you seen anyone's HBO Go password?
5. Do you know why I'm single? What? I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU. LOUDER!
6. Can you cook? GREAT! Let's date!
7. Do you know how I can get from crippling debt to financial freedom?
8. Is it unethical to go on dates just to be fed for free?
9. How do I stop my friends from getting married without committing a federal crime?
10. Can you tell my backpack is actually a CamelBak filled with wine?
11. Can you block my ex on all social media platforms for me?
12. How old is too old to be on my parents' phone plan?
13. How do I stop my Forever 21 clothes from disintegrating when I wash them?
14. Do you know why I thought I'd have a house, a Benz, and a happy marriage at 25?
15. Why are my hangovers getting worse?
16. Help me choose a path on the map: further credit card debt or death by starvation?
17. Do you know if my ex saw my subtweet? ¡Fantástico!
18. Can you check if there's any more wine left over in my backpack?
19. Will you yell "no swiping!" when I get on Tinder drunk?
20. What skills do I have that I can make a career out of?
21. ...What was that? You can't think any skills I have that I can turn into a career? THINK HARDER. HARDER, DAMNIT! (ALSO, FUCK YOU! WHO ASKED YOU?)
22. I really just want to get laid. Can you do that for me? Vámonos, amigos!
23. Oh no! We're in Bad Credit Quicksand! Can you help get me out or am I just fucked?
24. Will you ask my parents for more money? They already gave me all of their retirement.
25. Which dick pic do you think I should respond to? Thanks for helping!
26. Can you tell me why I majored in communications?
27. Did you notice the ketchup stain on my shirt? Yes? ¡Mierda!
28. How necessary is health insurance?
29. Can you tell my apartment is furnished with the discounted furniture from Ikea?
30. Do you hear something? You do? It's my phone? Oh no! It's my college calling for money!
31. Will you help me block my college from calling me again? You will? Great!