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19 Celebrity Thirst Traps From 2017 That I'll Never Be Able To Escape From

Actually, I like being trapped here.

1. I was immediately trapped mid-January, thanks to an oiled-up Joe Jonas:

2. Followed by Lewis Tan, who kept me pretty damn warm in the winter:

3. Mahershala Ali ended January by PUTTING ON LAYERS OF CLOTHES yet he STILL managed to trap me up:

4. Then came February and this puppy-trap from Hasan Minhaj, which I'm still slobbering over:

5. The rest of February I spent unconscious, because Trevanthighs:

6. Sterling K. Brown whisked me back into consciousness in March, thanks to this mirror selfie and #pitpromo:

7. April saw a shirtless Zac Efron in the fucking desert...no need to say more:

8. Then in May, Nick Jonas did what he does and TOOK IT OFF:

9. ...But then, Darren Criss took it off better:

10. In June, my daddy issues struck when Mark Ruffalo trapped me with a fucking toothbrush and an unbuttoned pajama top:

11. Followed by Britney Spears' boyfriend who outsold the Mona Lisa with this bathtub 'gram, taken by Spears herself:

12. July came and Olympian Gus Kenworthy trapped me on a snowy mountain for ESPN's "Body Issue":

13. But it wasn't long before I was warmed up by Jay Ellis' glistening summer body:

14. And just when I thought my thirst couldn't handle ANY MORE July traps, I developed a food kink thanks to John Boyega's toast:

15. I almost drowned in August because of Liam Payne, WHOM — might I add — NEVER TRAPPED ME BFORE:

16. After Liam sent my unstable thirst spiraling into an all-time low, I dedicated the rest of August to my Uncle Jesse fantasy thanks to John Stamos' (now deleted) buttstagram:

John Stamos / Via instagram.com

17. I couldn't stop SKFHSKFJSKDKSJD-ing in September because of Nyle DiMarco's perfect everything:

18. BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW, Henry Cavill and his mustache would DO THIS TO ME in October:

19. Which brings us to November, where Luke Evans decided give us one final trap to be thankful for:

I just want to say thank you. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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