1. You've been living in fear of the blue-masked men and women ever since you were little.
And it will continue the rest of your life.
2. Most of your nightmares start like this.
WAKE UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!
3. The smell of latex gloves immediately gives you anxiety.
Do you really gotta stick that glove in my mouth?
4. You think about what you're going to leave in your will every time they wrap that napkin around your neck.
It was a good life.
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5. You hate it when your dentist asks how often you floss.
Because they know damn well it's not very often.
6. You've accidentally bit the dentist before out of defense.
QUIT YOUR STABBIN!
7. The waiting room is literally purgatory.
Bout to go to hell.
8. You’re constantly making up excuses for getting out of your dentist appointments.
SRY MAYBE NEXT TIME.
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9. But then your insurance is all like, "You have to go twice a year or we'll drop yo ass."
Who are you? My mom?!?
10. The sight of their demon tools sends immediate pain to your mouth.
It just hurts looking at them.
11. Laughing gas is ANYTHING but a laughing matter.
No turning back now.
12. When they ask if you want cinnamon or mint toothpaste you say neither and try to run away.
I WANT MY MOM.
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13. You have a completely RATIONAL fear that they're all plotting against you.
I'M ON TO YOU.
14. Nothing on the TV could ever make Hell enjoyable for you.
Stop trying to distract me from your torture.
15. They ALWAYS have to use the jaws of life to open your mouth because you refuse to "open wide."
You win this time.
16. You refuse to accept the fact you have wisdom teeth and that they NEED to come out.
Do they actually have to come out?
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17. You need someone to come with you because you NEED a hand to hold.
Probably your mom's.
18. The mere thought of putting YOUR fingers into someone else's mouth — like a dentist does — also freaks you out.
Besides the idea of that hefty salary, of course.
19. You absolutely hate it when they try to talk to you while they're drilling your mouth.
Like you know DAMN WELL I can't talk right now.
20. You wear your retainers more than you have to just to prevent future visits with your dentist.
Doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay away from here.
21. But no matter how much you hate the dentist, at least you know you're not alone.
Sorry Dr. Willis, nothing personal.
