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How Ukrainian Are You Really?

Don't be a paskoota

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  1. How Ukrainian Are You Really?

    Pierogis are not made with egg, thank you very much.

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    You have a "babusya" or "baba"
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    You have been called "paskoota"
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    You know more cities than just Kiev
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    You have attempted to learn Ukrainian
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    You are somewhat or totally fluent in Ukrainian
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    Whether or not you speak it, you know Ukrainian is NOT Russian
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    Mila Kunis is an icon
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    You always hear the worst stereotypes
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    You are not nuclear though others think you are
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    Your babusya has an absurd amount of nesting dolls
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    ...and psyanky eggs
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    AND a carpet on the wall
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    You're catholic
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    Bonus points if you're Russian Orthodox
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    You've perfected the accent (if you're not from Ukraine)
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    You've perfected hiding your accent (if you're from Ukraine)
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    You get mistaken for Russian, Lithuanian, or Polish
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    So sometimes you just say you are Russian/Lithuanian/Polish
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    It's nearly impossible to be vegetarian or vegan in your family
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    Your non-Ukrainian family thinks traditions are weird
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    You know every last name in the family
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    ...even though each have an obscene amount of letters
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    You know how to spell  your name in the cyrillic alphabet
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    You have yellow skin undertones
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    You've debated laser hair removal on your arms
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    You actually have had laser hair removal on your arms
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    Your older family members had a rivalry with Italians
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    ..And were hated by  people with Anglo-Saxon roots
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    You're obsessed with being Ukrainian
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    You've traced your Ukrainian ancestry
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    You celebrate Russian Christmas/Easter
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    Borscht is actually edible
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    You've had potato chip cookies
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    Cabbage is a staple in holiday meals
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    Affection from your elders is not very obvious
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    But you know they have the biggest hearts
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    You have at least one family member who lived past 90
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    Despite a diet of vodka and unfiltered cigarettes
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    There's no such thing as quiet get togethers
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    Or small families
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    You know Pierogis are not made with eggs despite what others say
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    You thought the pink lady drinks were really Ukrainian at some point
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    You're not Slavic enough for Slavs, but too Slavic for Baltics
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    You're paler than your non Ukrainian friends
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    But tanner than other Eastern Europeans
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    You don't burn in the sun, but you don't tan either
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    You know that paska isn't misspelled pasta
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    And that paska is the best part of Easter
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    You wonder why Ukrainian cuisine looks like weird vintage food ads
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    Wine is for winos or so you've heard
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    You wear blue and yellow consciously
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    You hate those "sexy Ukrainian dating" ads
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    You know exactly how Ukraine left the USSR
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    You have used Hryvnas or Rubbles
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    Political jokes are the best jokes
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    You love making fun of Ukraine
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    But will smother someone else who does
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    You're an expert in bribery
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    Busses are the only logical mode of transportation
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    You won't be caught dead spending money on AC
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    "Dressing casually" isn't in your vocabulary
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    Smiling is only meant for laughing
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    Wedding rings belong on the right hand
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    Vodka? You mean horilka
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    There's no such thing as "roughing it" for packing
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    You weren't permitted to date as a teen, but were expected to be married by 20
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    Your father asks your mother for permission
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    Your mother considers your father to be an oversized child
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    Babusya is actually scarier than your mother
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    Bread should be eaten with EVERYTHING
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    ...except soup
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    You've forgotten you need a license to drive
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    5 kids is considered a small family
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    19 kids and counting confuses you as to how it is unique
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    In school you were always reprimanded for not using your "inside voice"
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    And were confused because you thought you were whispering
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    Nearly no one in your family goes by their real name
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    And their nicknames are nothing close to their actual name
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    You know what a dacha is
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    Throwing something away is nearly a crime
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    You're not a hoarder, just a collector of everything
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    Garlic and onions belong on everything
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    You've never NOT paid tax on something
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    Your mom or babusya will chase you with a rolling pin or broom
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    ...or any semi-painful object in sight
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    Jam jars take over your house
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    There is no fruit that cannot be perserved
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    You do everything with your siblings or cousins
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    Cousins are pretty much just another word for siiblings
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    You have a love/hate relationship with cooking
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    Hugging is an awkward experience with Ukrainian relatives
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    You love being Ukrainian and wouldn't trade it for the world
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