1. Newcastle and Gateshead aren't the same thing.
2. Nor are Newcastle University and the poly down the road.
3. Though Northumbria's campus, student union, library, and gym will make you jealous.
4. Everyone here is really nice. Like, really nice.
5. And if they're not, they're non-Geordies.
6. Everyone talks to you, even when they're not drunk.
7. But most of the time, we are drunk.
8. Old people in the Grainger Market calling you "pet" aren't creepily trying to chat you up: They're just being friendly.
9. Also how good is the Grainger Market?! Cheap meat and veg, pick 'n' mix, and a bunch of other great food.
10. The stall selling pizza by the slice will be your regular stop-off to prepare you for lugging a week's worth of groceries back to halls.
11. (In unrelated news, Fenham is really far away.)
12. Yes, the Marks & Spencer's penny bazaar in the Grainger Market is an official thing. They actually have a tatty market stall selling super-cheap M&S things.
13. Though if you time it right, you can also raid the M&S food hall on Northumberland Street and get high-quality food on the cheap.
14. Or you can just eat sandwiches from Eat4Less morning, noon, and night.
15. Though the queue out the door is kind of annoying.
16. Still, a sandwich, chips, and a Coke for £1.79 is insane.
17. How is it possible to sell food that cheap?
18. The queues at Greggs are just as long, but ateak bakes will become your life.
19. Particularly when you learn that some city centre Greggs are open 24-hours-a-day.
20. While we're on nightlife, yes: Everything you've heard is true. Newcastle likes to party.
21. But the places you go to during Freshers' Week aren't our normal clubs and bars.
22. Sinners will either become your second home, or your private hell on earth.
23. It will depend almost entirely on whether or not you're into sports.
24. You'll probably want to stay away from the Bigg Market near kicking out time.
25. Though karaoke at Cosy Joes can be a laugh if you're drunk enough to ignore the sticky floors.
26. And the cat cafe is nearby, so you have to walk through it at daytime.
27. You'll also want to steer clear of The Gate after midnight (unless you like Sinners).
28. But for early evenings it's the place to see films for cheap at the Empire Cinema on the top floor.
29. And if you've reached the end of the night but still want to continue, the casino in The Gate is about the only thing that stays open once all the clubs are shut.
30. Even the gay clubs in the Pink Triangle, like Powerhouse, which stay open later than most.
31. Taxis are pretty cheap, and Newcastle is pretty small, so your drive home probably won't be too expensive.
32. We've just got Uber too, though there are times where you'll not be able to get a cab.
33. Also we do nights out properly, so there are taxi queues and stuff. Don't jump them, it only ruins it for everyone.
34. The last Metro is relatively early.
35. But if you miss it, stay out: Once the sun rises you can always get the first Metro to the coast and see the sea lap in on the shore.
36. Speaking of the coast, it will be your go-to place for when you feel homesick or stressed.
37. Fish and chips at Tynemouth and a walk along the beach solves everything.
38. Though there are oases even closer, too. Jesmond Dene is pretty great.
39. In fact Jesmond is pretty great.
40. Though you might get sick of the rahs.
41. And no, despite what people say the Jesmond Tesco isn't the most expensive in the UK.
42. Osborne Road can get very busy, but you'll spend at least one bank holiday here.
43. You'll probably want to live in Jesmond or Heaton in second year.
44. But you won't want to spend Jesmond money on a house.
45. So Heaton's the next best thing.
46. Though it's just a little too far from the middle of town to make it super convenient to walk to uni.
47. That doesn't matter though, because it has the best cafes known to man to tackle a Sunday morning fuzzy head.
48. Did we mention we like drinking?
49. That said, there are plenty of activities to do that don't involve drinking during Freshers' Week.
50. Like a trip to St James Park.
51. Though if you're going to become a Newcastle fan while you're here, you may take up drinking.
52. You're likely to get lost several times a week.
53. But don't worry about asking someone where to go: Like I said, we're all friendly.
54. But do take note of some landmarks. Campus, for one.
55. You'll be able to navigate around the city via Grey's Monument.
56. It's the enormous monument taller than anything else slap-bang in the middle of the city with Earl Grey on top.
57. Yes, Earl Grey as in the tea.
58. Northumberland Street is also a good waypoint, and it's right next to campus.
59. If you do get lost, don't be afraid to wander. Newcastle's small enough, so you'll not go far.
60. And you might find some amazing things.
61. Like tea shops that stay open late.
62. Or High Bridge, where there are cool comedy clubs, art galleries, and shops.
63. Or the Ouseburn, where some of the best bars in Newcastle are.
64. You might even find your way across the river to Gateshead.
65. There be dragons.
66. Well this thing.
67. And also something called The BALTIC?
68. And The Sage? Idk apparently they're pretty good?
69. Plus it's only a short Metro ride back over the river if you get stranded.
70. You might get stranded because there's a party boat that causes the Millennium Bridge to tilt several times a day, cutting off one river crossing.
71. Yes, we said party boat. No, you don't want to take a trip on it. It's hugely disappointing.
72. Speaking of bridges, you'll learn to love them.
73. Though you might not be able to name them all.
74. You will realise the best place to see them from is The Free Trade Inn.
75. And the second-best place is from the East Coast mainline train as it traverses the Tyne. In time, you'll feel a feeling all the way through your body when you see it.
76. But perhaps the most important thing you'll learn by the end of Newcastle Fresher's Week is simple...
77. ...from now on, a part of you will be forever Geordie.