1. Why are there so many iPhone covers everywhere?
2. Why are we all addicted to Boost Juice?
3. Why is there always a car parked near the food court?
4. Why does the food court always make us feel like we've walked into a French existentialist novel about urban alienation?
5. Who is buying all the giant lollipops?
6. What is this mysterious circle made of bins, potted palms, benches and slip hazard signs?
7. Why does every Myer mannequin look like an X Factor runner-up?
8. Why would you build two Coles a few metres away from each other?
9. Why is Westfield Woden looking so damn classy today?
10. Why don't you employ piano players in tuxedos all year round, rather than just at Christmas?
11. What made you think you could rebrand your escalator as a "Moving Catwalk"?
It's a bloody escalator.
12. When did Sydney's Centrepoint turn into Studio 54?
13. Why don't you use those giant screens to play something awesome, like reruns of Heartbreak High?
14. Who is buying these sick beatz?
15. Do you realise the logo for this ugg boot store looks like a dick and balls?
16. Why doesn't Tree of Life sell bongs?
17. Why does it feel so good to say "Hairhouse Warehouse"?
18. WTF even is this place?
19. Why does every newly renovated mall need to be bigger than the Imperial Senate in Star Wars?
20. What exactly is a Hyperdome?
21. Seriously, what's with all the boy bands?
22. Why is someone always being a dickhead in the car park?
23. Why do we always feel like curling up in the fetal position on the big couch outside Target?
24. How hungover is Jaffydog, the jaffle shop mascot?
25. Does Chadstone Shopping Centre realise it would be the ideal location for the start of a zombie apocalypse?
26. Why is it called Michel's Patisserie when it was founded by two blokes called Noel?
27. How are you able to sell these sloppy joes for just $9.95?
28. Why do the "plants" at the top of the escalators always look like they're about to cry?
