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The 100 Rudest Fucking Things Australians Say

A definitive ranking of our dirtiest words.

Posted on

100.

Early in the morning.
Tom Brandt (modified) / Flickr: 12567713@N00 / creativecommons.org

Early in the morning.

99.

A cheeky way to say "eggs".
16:9clue / Flickr: 53255320@N07 / creativecommons.org

A cheeky way to say "eggs".

98.

"Bloody hell, Nicole! Can't believe you gave him a wristie on the first date!"
Thinkstock

"Bloody hell, Nicole! Can't believe you gave him a wristie on the first date!"

97.

A term of endearment. "How've you been, you old bastard?"
Thinkstock

A term of endearment. "How've you been, you old bastard?"

96.

What your nan says when her pavlova sinks.
Flickr: paul_clarke / creativecommons.org

What your nan says when her pavlova sinks.

95.

Your teacher called you this if you were carrying on like a pork chop.
Flickr: bionicteaching / creativecommons.org

Your teacher called you this if you were carrying on like a pork chop.

94.

"Why are you on compo?""I slipped on a hot chip at Oporto and went arse over tit."
Thinkstock

"Why are you on compo?"

"I slipped on a hot chip at Oporto and went arse over tit."

93.

"Did you pass your L's?""Piece of piss, brah."
Thinkstock

"Did you pass your L's?"

"Piece of piss, brah."

92.

Your dad's way of saying "fuckwit". "Who's the dropkick who left the Kreepy Krauly running all long weekend?"
Miramax Films

Your dad's way of saying "fuckwit".

"Who's the dropkick who left the Kreepy Krauly running all long weekend?"

91.

"Why I Stuck A Cracker Up My Clacker"– NT News headline

90.

"Callum, stop pissfarting around and do ya homework."
Reverendlukewarm / Via Flickr: reverendlukewarm

"Callum, stop pissfarting around and do ya homework."

89.

What you used to call the ginger kid in Miss Donoghue's third-grade class.
Mr Stan Zemanek / en.wikipedia.org / creativecommons.org

What you used to call the ginger kid in Miss Donoghue's third-grade class.

88.

"I'm in the poo with me missus cos I cancelled our Chrisco hamper."
Flickr: drainrat / creativecommons.org

"I'm in the poo with me missus cos I cancelled our Chrisco hamper."

87.

Australian for "ugly". Other options include "face like a dropped pie" and "head like a chewed Mintie".
Flickr: dfarrell07 / creativecommons.org

Australian for "ugly". Other options include "face like a dropped pie" and "head like a chewed Mintie".

86.

When "face like a sucked mango" isn't harsh enough.
Flickr: puuikibeach / creativecommons.org

When "face like a sucked mango" isn't harsh enough.

85.

When you've got a face like a sucked mango, but a hot body.
Flickr: russellstreet / creativecommons.org

When you've got a face like a sucked mango, but a hot body.

84.

"Been watching reruns of Huey's Cooking Adventures all day. I'm bored shitless."
Flickr: htakashi / creativecommons.org

"Been watching reruns of Huey's Cooking Adventures all day. I'm bored shitless."

83.

"Why'd they stop making Milo bars?""Beats the shit outta me."
Thinkstock

"Why'd they stop making Milo bars?"

"Beats the shit outta me."

82.

A moderately rude way to say "scared AF".
Flickr: krossbow / creativecommons.org

A moderately rude way to say "scared AF".

81.

Your Aunty Beverly says this when next door's cat tries to shit in her garden.
Flickr: sebilden / creativecommons.org

Your Aunty Beverly says this when next door's cat tries to shit in her garden.

80.

"Steve's such a tightarse. Whenever we go to Hog's Breath Café he only orders sides."
Thinkstock

"Steve's such a tightarse. Whenever we go to Hog's Breath Café he only orders sides."

79.

Australian for "I beg to differ".
Amy Stephenson / Flickr: 24013072@N05 / creativecommons.org

Australian for "I beg to differ".

78.

"Brb I'm going to snap off a grogan." (Via answers.com)
Flickr: hate / creativecommons.org

"Brb I'm going to snap off a grogan." (Via answers.com)

77.

"Better pissbolt down the bottle-o for another slab. It's almost 10 o'clock."
Flickr: didierbaertschiger / creativecommons.org

"Better pissbolt down the bottle-o for another slab. It's almost 10 o'clock."

76.

"I got into a big fight with Jenna cos she called Anthony Callea a shortarse."
Flickr: robynlou8 / creativecommons.org

"I got into a big fight with Jenna cos she called Anthony Callea a shortarse."

75.

Slang for "anus", due to its visual similarity to the rings used in the popular outdoor game."You'll get a good kick up the coit if you're not careful."
Network Ten

Slang for "anus", due to its visual similarity to the rings used in the popular outdoor game.

"You'll get a good kick up the coit if you're not careful."

74.

How you said "fuck off" when you were in primary school.
shop.australiangeographic.com.au

How you said "fuck off" when you were in primary school.

73.

Pretty much the rudest thing Alf Stewart says on Home and Away.
Seven Network

Pretty much the rudest thing Alf Stewart says on Home and Away.

72.

Flashing your anus at someone. Chucking a browneye on the bus during school excursions is an Australian rite of passage.
Flickr: x_xoxo / creativecommons.org

Flashing your anus at someone. Chucking a browneye on the bus during school excursions is an Australian rite of passage.

71.

"Been on the blower with Telstra for nearly an hour. It's like pushing shit uphill."
Flickr: anaru / Via creativecommons.org

"Been on the blower with Telstra for nearly an hour. It's like pushing shit uphill."

70.

To defecate. You can also "hang a piss".
Flickr: jasonparis / creativecommons.org

To defecate. You can also "hang a piss".

69.

"Some arsewipe broke into our house and stole my Xbox."
Brandon Blikenburg / en.wikipedia.org / creativecommons.org

"Some arsewipe broke into our house and stole my Xbox."

68.

If you say this while giving the finger, it makes it 25% ruder.
Prathyush Thomas / Via en.wikipedia.org

If you say this while giving the finger, it makes it 25% ruder.

67.

Extremely messy hair.
Lupita ala / Flickr: 75691612@N08 / creativecommons.org

Extremely messy hair.

66.

"Fuck, this slow internet shits me to tears."
Flickr: emoryphoto / creativecommons.org

"Fuck, this slow internet shits me to tears."

65.

To get angry. Cracking the shits is usually followed by havin' a sook. "My kids cracked the shits cos we're going to Ulladulla over the Chrissy holidays. They wanted to go to Wet'n'Wild but it's way too exxy."
Flickr: banna123456 / creativecommons.org

To get angry. Cracking the shits is usually followed by havin' a sook.

"My kids cracked the shits cos we're going to Ulladulla over the Chrissy holidays. They wanted to go to Wet'n'Wild but it's way too exxy."

64.

A rude way of saying "budgie smugglers".
aussiebum.com

A rude way of saying "budgie smugglers".

63.

An Aboriginal English word for "testicles".
Flickr: rusty_clark / creativecommons.org

An Aboriginal English word for "testicles".

62.

A traditional Australian curse.
Flickr: mathiasappel

A traditional Australian curse.

61.

"Don't come the raw prawn with me, ya bullshit artist."
Thinkstock

"Don't come the raw prawn with me, ya bullshit artist."

60.

It means "Stop masturbating and get out of bed."
Flickr: bitterbug / creativecommons.org

It means "Stop masturbating and get out of bed."

59.

An uncouth person.
Michael Cusack / Via youtube.com

An uncouth person.

58.

Like a derro, but worse.
Seven Network

Like a derro, but worse.

57.

Worse than either a derro or a gronk.
Flickr: stevendepolo / creativecommons.org

Worse than either a derro or a gronk.

56.

Smart, but in a dodgy way.
Flickr: greencolander / creativecommons.org

Smart, but in a dodgy way.

55.

Australian for "GTFO".
Flickr: mkorcuska / creativecommons.org

Australian for "GTFO".

54.

Australian for "very dry".
Flickr: sunphlo / creativecommons.org

Australian for "very dry".

53.

"Hey Frieda, you slack-arse moll!"– Puberty Blues
Roadshow

"Hey Frieda, you slack-arse moll!"

Puberty Blues

52.

Australian for "good in bed".
Flickr: nbreazeale / creativecommons.org

Australian for "good in bed".

51.

What Irene from Home and Away would say if she won at Keno.
Thinkstock

What Irene from Home and Away would say if she won at Keno.

50.

An acronym for "Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?"

49.

You got busted once in grade five for saying this in front of a teacher.
Flickr: miroslav-vajdic / creativecommons.org

You got busted once in grade five for saying this in front of a teacher.

48.

Horny AF.

47.

"You can stick that piccolo latte up your arse, ya bloody wanker."
Jeremykemp / en.wikipedia.org / creativecommons.org

"You can stick that piccolo latte up your arse, ya bloody wanker."

46.

A slightly less rude way of saying "go fuck yourself".
Flickr: fussyonion / Via creativecommons.org

A slightly less rude way of saying "go fuck yourself".

45.

When "ranga" is not offensive enough.
Flickr: rocketboom / creativecommons.org

When "ranga" is not offensive enough.

44.

Another iconic line from Puberty Blues.
Roadshow

Another iconic line from Puberty Blues.

43.

A nail-biter. "Swans v Collingwood is gonna be an absolute ball-tearer."
Flickr: pikerslanefarm / creativecommons.org

A nail-biter. "Swans v Collingwood is gonna be an absolute ball-tearer."

42.

Aboriginal English for "sexual intercourse"."Let's have a doori?""Yeah, nah."
youtube.com

Aboriginal English for "sexual intercourse".

"Let's have a doori?"

"Yeah, nah."

41.

"Can you switch the channel? It's a mystery box on MasterChef tonight.""Stiff shit, I'm watching the footy."
Flickr: jganderson / creativecommons.org

"Can you switch the channel? It's a mystery box on MasterChef tonight."

"Stiff shit, I'm watching the footy."

40.

Australian for 🍆.

39.

It means "Hello, and by the way you're ugly."
partypacks.co.uk

It means "Hello, and by the way you're ugly."

38.

An Aboriginal English word for "vulva".
etsy.com

An Aboriginal English word for "vulva".

37.

Also known as "getting barred up".
Flickr: mikecogh / creativecommons.org

Also known as "getting barred up".

36.

"Sorry, it's a $10 minimum for Eftpos.""Lick my salty piss."
Flickr: greencolander / creativecommons.org

"Sorry, it's a $10 minimum for Eftpos."

"Lick my salty piss."

35.

"Are you a virgin?""Technically yes, though I once gave someone a gobbie in the storage room at Hungry Jack's."
Thinkstock

"Are you a virgin?"

"Technically yes, though I once gave someone a gobbie in the storage room at Hungry Jack's."

34.

Australian for "I'm going to teabag you."
Thamizhpparithi Maari / commons.wikimedia.org / creativecommons.org

Australian for "I'm going to teabag you."

33.

Slang for "semi-erection".
Shalom / Via commons.wikimedia.org / creativecommons.org

Slang for "semi-erection".

32.

"Is that spoof on your tracky-daks?""Nah just Yoplait Go-Gurt."
Flickr: newtown_grafitti / creativecommons.org

"Is that spoof on your tracky-daks?"

"Nah just Yoplait Go-Gurt."

31.

Slang for "vulva".

30.

"Hey Mum, I borrowed 20 bucks from your purse to buy a So Fresh CD.""You've gotta be fucken joken!"
Cherylyn Barnes / Via youtube.com

"Hey Mum, I borrowed 20 bucks from your purse to buy a So Fresh CD."

"You've gotta be fucken joken!"

29.

"Whaddaya think of the MKR judges?""Manu is nice but Pete's a bit of a fuckstick."
Flickr: peretzpup / creativecommons.org

"Whaddaya think of the MKR judges?"

"Manu is nice but Pete's a bit of a fuckstick."

28.

"Robbo might be a cocksmack, but he can be a funny bloke at times."– PiesCheerSquad
Flickr: gartenfreuden / creativecommons.org

"Robbo might be a cocksmack, but he can be a funny bloke at times."

PiesCheerSquad

27.

"Just found out Logan asked two other girls to the formal before me. What a deadshit."
Dan Parsons / Via commons.wikimedia.org / creativecommons.org

"Just found out Logan asked two other girls to the formal before me. What a deadshit."

26.

The classic Australian school prank. If you answered yes to this question, you were rekt for all eternity.
Flickr: ajleon / creativecommons.org

The classic Australian school prank. If you answered yes to this question, you were rekt for all eternity.

25.

Or if you want to be more polite, "bloody oath".
Thinkstock

Or if you want to be more polite, "bloody oath".

24.

It means "Insert a dog into your rectal cavity."
unsplash.com

It means "Insert a dog into your rectal cavity."

23.

Or "shit ay" if you want to be a bit less rude.
Flickr: awfulshot / creativecommons.org

Or "shit ay" if you want to be a bit less rude.

22.

What you say when you bite into a jaffle and burn your tongue on the hot insides.
Thinkstock

What you say when you bite into a jaffle and burn your tongue on the hot insides.

21.

Australian for *facepalm*.
en.wikipedia.org

Australian for *facepalm*.

20.

A traditional Australian greeting. (Via jungkookfan69)
Thinkstock

A traditional Australian greeting. (Via jungkookfan69)

19.

"I feel really crook. That fuck-knuckle must have sold us bad pingers."
Flickr: nate

"I feel really crook. That fuck-knuckle must have sold us bad pingers."

18.

Australian for "gay".
Flickr: kentfredric / creativecommons.org

Australian for "gay".

17.

"Trent was being such a fucken dickhead Jetstar almost chucked us off the flight to Bali."
Flickr: iamagenious / creativecommons.org

"Trent was being such a fucken dickhead Jetstar almost chucked us off the flight to Bali."

16.

Made famous in an epic Four Corners episode.
ABC

Made famous in an epic Four Corners episode.

15.

A roundabout way of saying "You're stupid."
Flickr: shaireproductions / creativecommons.org

A roundabout way of saying "You're stupid."

14.

Even drier than a dead dingo's donger."Chicken Crimpies are the worst Shapes. They're dry as a nun's nasty."
unsplash.com

Even drier than a dead dingo's donger.

"Chicken Crimpies are the worst Shapes. They're dry as a nun's nasty."

13.

BuzzFeed

The Auslan (Australian Sign Language) sign for "Youse can all get fucked."

12.

Australian for "not here to waste time", though no one actually ever says it.
Flickr: scott1723 / creativecommons.org

Australian for "not here to waste time", though no one actually ever says it.

11.

The classic Greek insult.
en.wikipedia.org

The classic Greek insult.

10.

A grub is exactly twice as bad as a mongrel.
Flickr: anemoneprojectors / creativecommons.org

A grub is exactly twice as bad as a mongrel.

9.

"Carn cunt, lend me ya car so I can go pick up some weed."
Flickr: awfulshot / creativecommons.org

"Carn cunt, lend me ya car so I can go pick up some weed."

8.

🎵 "I've had an absolute cunt of a dayEverything that could go, did go wrongSo if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a songI've had an absolute cunt of a day." 🎵 – Kevin Bloody Wilson, "Cunt of a Day"
jseliger2 / Flickr: 91262622@N02 / creativecommons.org

🎵 "I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go, did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day."
🎵

– Kevin Bloody Wilson, "Cunt of a Day"

7.

A rude way of saying "a few roos loose in the top paddock".
Thinkstock

A rude way of saying "a few roos loose in the top paddock".

6.

"Giz a durry, mate.""Garn git fucked!"
Flickr: pboyd04 / creativecommons.org

"Giz a durry, mate."

"Garn git fucked!"

5.

An awesome person. "Jayden brought four boxes of nangs to our house party. What a sick cunt."
Thinkstock

An awesome person. "Jayden brought four boxes of nangs to our house party. What a sick cunt."

4.

Even better than a sick cunt. Pretty much the highest compliment you can pay an Aussie.
Matt Adams / Herald Sun

Even better than a sick cunt. Pretty much the highest compliment you can pay an Aussie.

3.

"Fuck your mum" in Cantonese ("屌你老母").
Thinkstock

"Fuck your mum" in Cantonese ("屌你老母").

2.

What you say when someone nabs your parking spot at Bunnings.
Thinkstock

What you say when someone nabs your parking spot at Bunnings.

1.

The worst thing you can call an Australian, tbh. (Via LucyXIV)
Thinkstock

The worst thing you can call an Australian, tbh. (Via LucyXIV)