How To Have A Revolutionary Night

Some nights with your friends feel like the whole world's aligned against you. But not tonight. You have a blank page, your compatriots, and freedom.

1. Make a bad-weather plan.

Francis Holman / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

Tire chains, cab numbers, flotation devices, designated drivers, tricornes — the essentials.

2. But also don't forget your basic plans.

Auguste Couder / CC by http://3.0 / en.wikipedia.org

Where to meet, who to invite... you know, your night.

3. Bring plenty of ice breakers.

Emanuel Leutze / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

"How much do two elephants weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi, my name is..."

4. Trust the squad.

Jean Leon Gerome Ferris / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

Because when the unit step in the room looking so good they can make boats fly, the entire night about to be on lock.

5. Be assertive.

John Singleton Copley / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

"No, see? It says right here it's ladies' night. They're not supposed to pay. That's just good business—also you are wrong because my wig looks ill as hell."

6. But don't get all preachy.

Peter F. Rothermel / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

Yep, this isn't the first time you've told us we have to make the most of our night. And we get that you want a libation or death... just... chill out, man.

7. And make reasonable compromises.

Alonzo Chappel / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

"I don't really want to do any shots, but if I do one will it be fine to stick with beer for the rest of the night?" or "Eh, I'm not really up for a twerk, but how do you feel about schmoney dance?"

8. But never surrender.

John Trumbull / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

After all, it was our forefathers who once said, "You've gotta fight for your right to party" as well as the inverse.

9. Don't worry about blending in.

Charles M. Lefferts / public domain / Via en.wikipedia.org

Your character shines brighter than matching features or facial hair.

10. Let your freak flag fly.

Percy Moran / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

But if you don't feel welcome there or that trying to fit in is too taxing, then leave. Just declare your independence and leave for night more unified and perfect.

11. Remember: This isn't a high school dance.

John Trumbull / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

Times have changed; you're free to mingle with whomever you like.

12. Keep your cool under pressure.

Joshua Reynolds / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

It's just a horse, man. Wait, how'd a horse get in this bar? Actually, if there's a cannon, maybe reconsider this bar.

13. Don't spring for a table.

John Trumbull / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

In fact, you probably shouldn't even be in a place where the only way to have "fun" is to have a table in the back. That doesn't even look like fun. No one's even poppin' bottles.

14. Don't forget to tip your bartender.

http://A.M. Willard / public domain / commons.wikimedia.org

Just as you've drummed up some business for him, he can drum up some business for you, *wink*. But seriously, it's just polite.

15. And know your limits.

Richard Houston / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

Drinking yourself cross-eyed shouldn't be medically possible, but, you know, just stay safe out there.

16. Make sure the whole clique knows where you live.

John Trumbull / public domain / en.wikipedia.org

Because you never know when you'll end up flat on your back, whether your legs just give out, a heel breaks, or your ex walks in.