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    21 Rules All Toddlers Live By

    New foods are never to be trusted.

    1. Toys are boring. Try keyboards, cables, or plug sockets.

    2. This is the ultimate trophy.

    3. New foods are NEVER to be trusted.

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    4. Pledge undying allegiance to one specific beaker and don't accept any imitations.

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    And change your mind about your favourite beaker whenever you feel like it.

    5. If you choose to hide just one thing, go for the house keys.

    6. Time your poos carefully. Just after you've left the house is perfect.

    7. Just before leaving the house is another great option.

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    Extra points if you're already running late.

    8. Fact: You can be hungry for specific things.

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    For example, “I'm not hungry for lunch, I'm hungry for chocolate”.

    9. When you are finished with your meal, drop it on the floor, or the table. Preferably both.

    10. Sleep patterns should always be inconsistent. If you’ve been doing one thing for a while, it's time to change it up.

    11. When someone does something funny, insist they repeat it again and again and again. And again.

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    12. Always engage with the least child-friendly looking person you can find.

    13. The “Happy Birthday” song? Yeah, that's code for CAKE IS COMING.

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    14. Tiredness is a myth.

    15. Weather appropriate clothing is a myth.

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    Insist on wearing shorts in winter and woolly jumpers in summer.

    16. Avoid water from a cup or beaker at all costs. The best water is the stuff in the bath.

    17. When the laundry pile is full, get a stomach bug.

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    When the laundry pile is finally empty, get a stomach bug.

    18. Ketchup counts as all of your five a day.

    19. Green food ? Ew. yuck. Except snot.

    20. Refuse all participation with and deny any understanding of the concept of 'bedtime'.

    21. Give yourself a round of applause any time you do anything. You earned it.

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