1. OK, the babysitter canceled.
2. And it's too late to make anything here.
3. We can just bring her to the restaurant.
4. Even though last time we swore we'd never do this again.
5. Why did we do that?
6. I remember it being awful but I don't remember why.
7. How bad can it be?
8. She's so cute.
9. Why did we swear to never, ever try this again...
10. Oh well!
11. We can totally do this.
12. We'll bring her computer tablet.
13. Don't forget her computer tablet.
14. Look at us, we can totally handle this.
15. We are SUPER PARENTS.
16. And we're in the car.
17. WE FORGOT THE COMPUTER TABLET.
18. Aaaaaand we made it, this is going to be great!
19. They have booths!
20. It's a 15-minute wait for a booth?!
21. She'll burn down the restaurant if we have to wait 15 minutes.
22. They don't have highchairs either?
23. We should go.
24. Nope, she's working into meltdown mode.
25. I will eat on the ground, I don't care.
26. Do they have crayons?
27. No crayons.
28. Sorry couple-we-were-seated-next-to-that-are-obviously-on-a-date.
29. At least they have a children's menu.
30. What's with this kids menu? A quinoa muffin? Broccoli tots?
31. I could use a drink stat.
32. The waiter's trying to take our order, and I have no idea what I want.
33. She wants to see the fireplace.
34. Why do restaurants have fireplaces?
35. They're like flypaper for children.
36. Those other parents look so sorry for us.
37. We don't need your pity, other parents.
38. Lording over us from your booth.
39. WHY IS IT SO QUIET IN HERE?!
40. Every sound she makes gets stuck in a space vacuum where it echoes endlessly til we either leave or the world implodes.
41. Oh, good, my drink!
42. Don't put it in front of her.
43. Goodbye, drink.
44. Our waiter hates us.
45. AND HERE COMES OUR FOOD!!!
46. Things are looking up!
47. Finally some silence.
48. She's not eating her food.
49. Please eat the food.
50. Those judgey booth trolls are going to think we're starving her.
51. Eat. Eat. EAT.
52. So hungry, going to try to sneak bite.
53. Confirm that spouse has eye on her.
54. Careful, careful—
56. She just whipped the entire table cloth off of the table like a tiny angry matador.
57. We've only been here 20 minutes.
58. Check, please.
59. Back in the car.
60. She says she's hungry.
61. We are never doing this again.
62. Unless she's good. Look at that smile...