1. When you say "8:30," everyone else hears "8:45."
2. The only genre of music you know anymore is "soft rock."
3. Your hips need chiropractic realignment.
4. You're deaf in one ear.
5. Other people get in the way of your morning selfies.
6. You know the secret nickname that Karen's boyfriend has for her.
7. Every single one of your cup holders has fast food cups in them.
8. You snap awake every time your head hits the pillow.
9. You carry air freshener around as if it were mace.
10. You don't ask follow-up questions when someone says they need to pull over.
11. You think public transit sounds "exciting."
12. And you picture this every time someone says, "Let's carpool!"
