25 Stages Of Dissertation Hell

A dissertation is like an essay in the same way the 2 years wait for Sherlock was just a short break. You're definitely underestimating the length.

1. False Confidence

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When you think you've come up with the sexiest dissertation topic possible and you submit it like, 'Yeah, think about that when you're with your wife tonight.'

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2. Denial

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You have a few weeks (read: months) where you put it off with the leftover false confidence of stage one. Whenever someone mentions it you feel invincible.

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3. Rude Awakening

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Some soul-crushing-happiness-squasher comes along, points out that you only have one month left, and it hits you right in the face.

(They're probably the same person who told you Santa wasn't real. Note, phase this person out of your life).

4. Cue Full Range of Emotion in Five Seconds

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Are you serious?

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Dear God No

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Oh, you're serious...

To the library!

5. What Am I Reading?

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You're sat at the library struggling through article after article.

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Maybe? Just...No. Just, no.

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What is this? Who is this? Who am I? (Did I flush the toilet?)

6. What Am I Writing?

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7. No Confidence

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Realization sinks in and all that condescending advice from your professor begins to make sense. Remember all those expectations I brought up before? Lower them. Now. Limbo those babies. (How low can you go, how low can you go).

8. Wait, Did I Just Understand Something?

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9. Better Stay in the Library a Little Longer

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10. Update: 3am. Still in Library.

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There's only one other person left in the room with you and you're forming a weird, silent, probably unhealthy, bond with them because misery loves company right?

11. Poor Decisions

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All that time in the library may have messed up your Life Decisions Compass.

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Bingo.

12. Hermit Stage

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Whenever your friends ask you to go out it's the most painful drawn out struggle to say no.

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13. No Joy

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Even things like relaxing and eating are filled with guilt and pain.

14. Tantrum Time

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You reserve ten minutes every morning to throw one really good fit of rage and frustration.

15. Because This is the Level of Your Brain Pain Right Now

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16. Then There's That One Person Who Finished a Month Ago

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And only has to 'lightly edit' it.

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17. But When You Try To Complain to Your Friends...

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...there is no sympathy, because they are at that level of annoying maturity.

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And you're like:

...Pity me.

18. But By Then You Can See the Finishline

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So you keep the struggle alive.

(One...more...chapter...)

19. And Even When You're Sleeping...

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You're still typing.

20. Meanwhile Your Professor is Gently Reminding You of the Deadline, Like

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21. So You Give Up and Start Mindlessly Typing

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Every. Word. You. Know. (And some you don't).

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22. And When it Comes to Citations, You're Just Like:

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Ugh, too many...

Can't I just say?

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23. Therefore, In Conclusion, Nevertheless, The End

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You Finished. And it's, well it meets the word count. As Fred and George would say, it Exceeds Expectations just by being completed. Keeping this in mind, you turn it in with one of those full on, slightly creepy, and ultimately sheepish Franco grins.

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Sorry, I'm not sorry.

24. FREEDOM

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Nothing feels as good as a finished dissertation looks.

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Because inside you're blubbering like the woman on the right.

25. And There is No End to the Celebrating

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Because you are too cool, rocking that finished dissertation look.

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The. End.