13) When you walk up and say, "Surprise me."
Okay--First off, knock it off. I don't know what you like, can't have, and what your order at Starbucks is. We have a menu, and a list of flavors...Please use it. Don't think I'm not afraid to give you a double shot Americano. What? That's my favorite drink.
12) Speaking of your Starbucks order...Don't use that lingo at my shop.
It's super rude to order a Grande Vanilla Bean Frappuccino when you know damn well that's a Starbucks signature drink. Honey we have medium and large. There are no tall, grande, or ventis here. So please, please, please, kindly think before you speak.
11) Hey Starbucks, no more low blows after this post...Sorry for throwing you under the bus. Anyway--Starbucks didn't invent a mocha.
Please stop asking if your local shop can make a Mocha. Also a mocha is not espresso. A Mocha is made up of espresso, steamed milk and chocolate. Espresso is espresso. End. Of. Story.
10) HEY! HERE'S A GOOD IDEA...GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND TALK TO ME.
Why on earth are you talking on your phone and not to me. The person on the other line is not making your soy latte, so please hang up or tell your boo thang they're gonna have to go on hold. Also, there's a line behind you, so please hurry up.
9) Don't tell me you can't have dairy and then get whipped cream. You're a liar and I hate you.
Soy and Almond milk lattes are super yummy, but don't tell me you CANNOT HAVE ANY DAIRY and then get whipped cream. Not liking milk and be lactose intolerant are two different things and tbh I hate you for lying.
8)Please stop ordering 5 Frappuccinos in a row.
I'm really not even going to get started with this one. Have mercy one your baristas soul.
7) Also can you not tell me your order in a story.
"I'll take a skinny, nonfat sugar free vanilla latte with 3 shots and a.." shhhh.. nooooo stop, i can't write on your cup that fast. So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want... but not that fast.
6) Don't tell me you know my boss because guess what...
So do I and they sign my checks. ;)
5) This is a coffee shop, I promise there is regular coffee.
"Um, I just want regular coffee, can you make me something like that?" No sir, we don't do that here. Sugary lattes only. Nothing else.
4) Starbucks, I lied, I have one more thing to throw you under the bus with.
When people come in and say "Hi, um at Starbucks I get a *Common drink* Can you make me something like that?" Please stop, as noted above, they didn't create these drinks...These are commonly know drinks in the coffee world and you can knock it off.
3) Please don't say my shop is over priced because I'm charging you .75 cent extra for add-ons.
You know damn well that a local coffee shop is a small business and if you don't like how "over priced" we are, you can take your cheap ass home and use a Keurig. Have fun with your watered down bullshit.
2) Please don't linger around after close.
When the shop closes, the shop closes. You'll have to wrap that business call up in the car sir.
1) DON'T BE A SNOB.
Hey dude, I work with coffee for a living, don't tell me how to do my job. Trust me, I got this. Small talk is cool, but if you come at me with a hipster attitude, I will throw some sas back, and most likely give you decaf.