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1. A Thaw Claw for those times when mom asked you to take the chicken out of the freezer hours ago but you were so sucked into Sims 4 (recreating your neighborhood, naturally), that you totally forgot.
2. A canvas cup holder made to cuddle your iced coffee on your walk back from Starbucks. If you drink iced bevvies year-round (sorry, but it's the only way to go), it'll keep your fingers from freezing.
3. A subtle, Bluetooth-compatible safety bracelet that will give you peace of mind no matter where you are or what time it is. Plus, it just looks like a normal ol' cuff.
4. A magnetic sunglasses holder you can attach right to your belt or any bag that doesn't have a safe spot for you to store them.
5. A French press tumbler for the caffeine aficionado who's always running behind. With this insulated mug, you can brew your coffee or tea right from the car, office, or even Target parking lot.
6. A stacking planter with a hidden built-in saucer that catches excess water. The ingenious design eliminates the need for plastic saucers and cork pads which — while not the end of the world — can clash with decor.
7. A pair of leak-proof period leggings so you don't have to worry about stains or rogue pads whether you're working out or perfecting your couch potato form.
8. A spinning makeup brush cleaner to eliminate caked on foundation, bronzer, and blush with très minimal effort. Plus, it's a bit like a science experiment, and who doesn't like that?
9. A touchless vacuum you can sweep debris right into. No more song and dance with your dust pan trying to brush up every last speck of dust.
10. A set of makeup spatulas because you spent $40 on that color-matching foundation and you'll be damned if even one drop goes to waste — especially in this economy.
11. An onion holder so you can dice away without any fear of losing a digit. Yes, I've watched Gordon Ramsay YouTube explainers on how to do it without, but there's just a disconnect between my head and my hand.
12. A pair of pedicure socks guaranteed to keep your feet nice and toasty while you go to town on your toes with clippers, cuticle cutters, and files.
13. A bottle-emptying kit so you can use every. last. drop. of your shampoo/dish soap/Mike's Hot Honey without having to repeatedly smack it against your hand like a Heinz bottle. (Let's add that to the list of things that shouldn't be embarrassing but is objectively embarrassing, huh?)
14. A waterproof paper flower vase you can wrap around whatever Mason jar you have your blooms in. If you don't have room for a bunch of glass vases or ~if you're being honest with yourself,~ you're just a little too clumsy to be trusted with them, this is a v cute alternative.
15. An under-cabinet jar opener because there is nothing more aggravating than trying to open a jar for 20 minutes, asking your friend to do it, and having to listen to them gloat about how easy it was.
16. A magnetic iPad wall mount so you can attach your tablet to just about any surface — no extra pieces or installation required. Stick it to your mirror so you can watch Netflix while you complete your skincare routine or place it on a wall in your kitchen so you can follow a TikTok cooking tutorial.
17. An itty bitty face mask rack where you can hang your freshly washed accessory du jour. Turns out putting them in a designated place (and not the bottom of whatever tote bag you used yesterday) also makes them easier to find!
18. A pair of pizza scissors so you can cut the best slice (you know — the one with the bubble on the crust) before your roommates/siblings get to it first.
19. A two-pack of handheld bag sealers you can use to cut and seal a variety of snack bags so your treats don't go stale. (I personally can't not finish an entire bag of Jax Cheese Curls in one sitting, so I don't need this, but power to those who have the strength to save some!)
20. A necklace layering clasp that will eliminate your need for 20 extra minutes every morning just to sort out your accessories. With the Necklet, you just attach your three necklaces of choice, and then let the magnetic clasp work it's magic. Plus, you don't have to worry about tangles!
21. A 360-degree rotating nail clipper so you can trim your nails and toenails without having to perform any Cirque du Soleil-like contortions.
22. A BedJet cooling and warming system which makes it possible to regulate your nighttime temperature so you can stop waking up in a pool of sweat.
23. A two-in-one Bluetooth transmitter and receiver so you can connect your wireless headphones to the TV when your roommate asks you to turn down Love Island for the eighth time.
24. A set of super-strong magnetic strips to elevate beer and soda bottles so you can nix the annoying cardboard holders they come in. Plus, now you can free up an extra few inches underneath where you can slide in your XL bag of string cheese.
25. A night light outlet cover so you can immediately tell that there's no intruder in your bathroom. You may be nearly 30, but with the amount of true crime podcasts you listen to, it's never been more necessary.
26. A portable facial humidifier you can use right before a Zoom meeting (or during — it's that quiet) to give your skin a nice lil' glow.
27. A flat outlet plug that can be placed behind furniture or in other areas where you'd like to eliminate some cord clutter.
28. A dress weight so you can avoid a Marilyn Monroe moment when a gust of wind tries to take your skirt for a spin. I've lived in NYC long enough to have had this experience (damn you giant SoHo grates!) and let me say I desperately wish I had these on hand.
29. A magnetic stove shelf on which you can stack your go-to spices, oils, and kitschy salt and pepper shakers. This will also prevent any food from getting back there if you seemingly can't boil a pot of pasta without flinging penne everywhere.
30. A thumb page holder because holding down a paperback — especially one the size of, say, Infinite Jest — can be seriously taxing.
31. A set of waterproof eyeliner stamps for those who LOVE the look of winged liner, but can't help but shake like a leaf when attempting to paint them on. If you're anything like me, you always get one *perfect* eye and then seemingly forget how to use your hands when it comes to your second eye.
32. A mini ladybug vacuum ready to suck up eraser shavings and chip crumbs, because despite the fact that you're at home now and not in an office, the snacks are still flowing.
33. A pair of microfiber duster slippers which turn your midnight run to the fridge into a mini cleaning session. Whoops, did you spill a bit of milk while taking a bite of your cookie? No worries — just give it a lil' wipey wipe.
34. A large cup holder, because whoever designed the built-in ones in your car didn't consider the fact that you exclusively drink from XL water bottles and trenta Starbucks cups.
35. A foldable cutting board that'll help you transfer chopped-up veggies to your pot or pan and save you from the torture that is having to sweep them up because your dog is decidedly not into carrots.
36. And a bug bite suction tool because it's this or scratching at it until it bleeds and that is not the way, my friends.
You after using your bed AC for the first time:
