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17 Things You Should Never, Ever Name Your Pet Jaguar

A helpful guide.

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1. Steven

Why Not: Do you know how many jaguars are named Steven? TOO MANY.
thinkstockphotos.com|Pal+Teravagimov

Why Not: Do you know how many jaguars are named Steven? TOO MANY.

2. Jiggy Jaggy Jag

Why Not: It sets up an unrealistic expectation that your pet jaguar will do a jig for you. He will not. There will be no dancing. Some slight head bopping when he thinks no one is looking but no dancing.
Kyslynskyy / Getty Images

Why Not: It sets up an unrealistic expectation that your pet jaguar will do a jig for you. He will not. There will be no dancing. Some slight head bopping when he thinks no one is looking but no dancing.

3. Kevin

Why Not: It is Jaguar law: no jaguar shall ever be named Kevin. Ever. Those are the rules, sorry.
Purestock / Getty Images

Why Not: It is Jaguar law: no jaguar shall ever be named Kevin. Ever. Those are the rules, sorry.

4. Rooster

Why Not: Jaguars crow for no one.
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Why Not: Jaguars crow for no one.

5. Jagz

Why Not: He said no.
Michael Fitzsimmons / Getty Images

Why Not: He said no.

6. Big Tooth

Why Not: What if someone called YOU "Big Tooth"??
Borislav Stefanov / Getty Images

Why Not: What if someone called YOU "Big Tooth"??

7. Lester

Why Not: This name throws jaguars into deep existential crisis mode. No one knows why exactly but just don't do it, okay?
Tom Brakefield / Getty Images

Why Not: This name throws jaguars into deep existential crisis mode. No one knows why exactly but just don't do it, okay?

8. Deer

Why Not: Uh, jaguar's eat deer. This would get so confusing and maybe even deadly.
en.wikipedia.org

Why Not: Uh, jaguar's eat deer. This would get so confusing and maybe even deadly.

9. DJ Snappy Snap

Why Not: Once again, they are not here for your entertainment. Plus, they can't even snap.
Fuse / Getty Images

Why Not: Once again, they are not here for your entertainment. Plus, they can't even snap.

10. 'Uar 'Uar

Why Not: This is dumb and you know it.
Kwiktor / Getty Images

Why Not: This is dumb and you know it.

11. Dongus

Why Not: Gus, maybe. Don, maybe. Dongus, NEVER.
Michael Fitzsimmons / Getty Images

Why Not: Gus, maybe. Don, maybe. Dongus, NEVER.

12. Bonnie (or Clyde)

Why Not: Wow, not all jaguars are criminals.
Abzerit / Getty Images

Why Not: Wow, not all jaguars are criminals.

13. Santa

Why Not: Jaguars don't celebrate Christmas and don't appreciate the comparison.
Abzerit / Getty Images

Why Not: Jaguars don't celebrate Christmas and don't appreciate the comparison.

14. Bae

Why Not: Jaguars want none of your human terms of endearments.
Groblerdupreez / Getty Images

Why Not: Jaguars want none of your human terms of endearments.

15. Sabor

Why Not: Your jaguar is not your flavor, he is part of your family god damn it!
Borislav Stefanov / Getty Images

Why Not: Your jaguar is not your flavor, he is part of your family god damn it!

16. Cheryl

Why Not: "God damnit, Cheryl" rolls too easily off the tongue for that to be fair.
Purestock / Getty Images

Why Not: "God damnit, Cheryl" rolls too easily off the tongue for that to be fair.

17. Ja Rule

Why Not: Ja Rule knows what he did.
Groblerdupreez / Getty Images

Why Not: Ja Rule knows what he did.

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