A Definitive Ranking Of All The Fingers

They are all wonderful pupils but only one can be King of the Hand.

5. The Ring Finger

Touchstone Pictures / thegoodfilms.com

Reason: The ring finger is so boring that it had to be given a designation that can literally be applied to every other finger. It’s like giving a fake job to a kid to make him feel special. Except it’s a finger and it needs to grow the fuck up.

4. The Pinky Finger


Reason: OK, the pinky is cute and all but it’s so effin’ pretentious and impractical. Like, come ON, Pinky, are you THAT desparate for attention??

3. The Pointer Finger

Reason: WOW talk about JUDGMENTAL. Didn’t your mother tell ya not to point? It’s higher on the list ‘cause sometimes pointing is useful like, “HEY, LOOK AT THAT SPACE SHIP.”

2. The Middle Finger

Reason: Umm, you can say a lot with this one finger. Use it sparingly, obviously, but MAN THAT POWER.

1. Thumb

Reason: Giving a thumbs up feels GOOD. Also you really need that thumb to pick stuff up. Thumbs are the best, hands down.

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