A Definitive Ranking Of All The Fingers

They are all wonderful pupils but only one can be King of the Hand.

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5. The Ring Finger

Touchstone Pictures / thegoodfilms.com

Reason: The ring finger is so boring that it had to be given a designation that can literally be applied to every other finger. It's like giving a fake job to a kid to make him feel special. Except it's a finger and it needs to grow the fuck up.

4. The Pinky Finger

Reason: OK, the pinky is cute and all but it's so effin' pretentious and impractical. Like, come ON, Pinky, are you THAT desparate for attention??

3. The Pointer Finger

VH1 / vh1.tumblr.com

Reason: WOW talk about JUDGMENTAL. Didn't your mother tell ya not to point? It's higher on the list 'cause sometimes pointing is useful like, "HEY, LOOK AT THAT SPACE SHIP."