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5 Theological Arguments Proving The Existence Of Santa

I do. I do. I do believe in Santa.

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Some people say Santa's not real...

He's more of a metaphor...

You grow out of him...

Those fools. We have PROOF the big guy is real.

1. The Ontological Argument


So everybody knows there is no being greater than Santa.

As the greatest being imaginable, he must exist in both the mind and in reality.

Existing in the real world is better than existing just inside your head.

By definition, the greatest conceivable being can’t just exist in the mind.

That would be stupid.

Santa must exist in reality.

Therefore, Santa is real.

2. The Cosmological Argument


You can’t make something out of nothing.

Christmas presents must have come from somewhere.

There must have been a ‘First Cause’ from where Christmas originated (apart from the baby Jesus bit).

That First Cause is Santa.

Therefore, Santa is real

3. The Teleological Argument


If you were walking on a beach and saw a watch you would not assume it had come together by chance.

It must have been created by a watchmaker.

When you see all those presents under the Christmas tree, they were not put there by chance.

Someone must have delivered them.

That someone is Santa.

Therefore, Santa is real

4. From Experience


As Schleiermacher says, the existence of Santa is known through a feeling of “absolute dependence”

I am absolutely dependent on Santa coming every Christmas.

Therefore Santa is real.

5. From Morality


We all know the difference between right and wrong.

This sense of morality must come from somewhere.

Santa knows and decides who's been good and who’s been bad.

Santa is the source of all morality.

Therefore Santa exists.

There you have it. The big guy with the beard is real. Bish. Bash. Bosh. Proof. See you next year old man!


You tell em Richard Attenboroug-I mean Santa.

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