29 Truths Of The Edinburgh Fringe Festival

The world’s biggest arts festival has more kooky performance art, sweat and battered foodstuffs than you could ever wish for.

1. Upon arrival in Edinburgh, you are greeted by endless walls of flyers. Flyers that will be shoved in your face approximately five times per second for the duration of your stay

2. You get to play ‘Method Actor or Homeless Person?’ for an entire month

3. You wonder why Monopoly money is being dispensed every time you hit the cashpoint

4. You hit the cashpoint a lot.

5. You repeatedly get confused between all the same-name venues

6. You get charged at least ten times the price for sandwiches

7. You get to give your expert opinion on every show you see

8. Humans. Humans everywhere

9. Also: dogs. Tiny dogs who star in their own shows and make more money than you

10. Haggis and chips becomes your drunk food

11. You discover some of the best new talent around, and then get to judge your friends who haven’t heard of them yet

12. In Edinburgh’s city centre, you’re never more than 10ft away from a pair of red trousers

Via © Charlotte Lytton

13. People drink Irn Bru without shame, fear or guilt

14. Redheads of the world unite

15. You get sprayed on the regs by the sweat of overheated performers

16. You tweet incessantly about the Fringe forgetting that everybody who isn’t at the Fringe doesn’t care about the Fringe

17. Tourists get overly excited by tartan and then start taking photos of it in the middle of the jam-packed Mile

18. Pierced face lady is always there, chillin’.

19. Performers resort to creepy stalker tactics if you refuse to take a flyer

20. This isn’t the weirdest thing you’ll see while you’re there

22. This isn’t either

23. Basically, a lot of weird stuff goes down

24. You arrive late to shows because you underestimate the amount of time it takes to climb a million stairs

25. People drop the c-bomb all over the place

26. The Scotsman tries to give you at least 20 tote bags

27. Resident Edinburghers frequently complain about how festival time isn’t the REAL Edinburgh

28. You get coerced onstage and made to say things in front of other humans

29. You’re exhausted 100% of the time but push through because this festival is bloody brilliant.

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