1. You don't look that cute anymore when you're drunk
2. Need I say more
3. But you love wine
Wine wine wine
4. You can't eat anything you want
WHAT HAPPENED TO MEEEEE
5. Exercise is a little harder than it used to be
Diamonds are most certainly worth exercise.
6. All people younger than you have no idea about anything
How could you be born after Y2K and pretend to know a damn thing.
7. You have to work to live
And no, it isn't always fabulous.
8. So don't F&^% it up
9. But if you work hard - then.....
Those dollar bills are all yours baby.
10. You get nostalgic about the most ridiculous things
11. And lipsynch to songs like this - and dance JUST LIKE THIS
You remember her before she got all nasty.
12. You can say you danced the Macarena at every family or school function before these guys were even born
13. You know that the mail only brings one dreaded word: BILLS
14. You still try this sometimes to see if it works on other devices... it doesn't
15. You witnessed her go from this:
16. To this:
17. But you also know that miracles do come true
18. You were proud of her yet also wondered whether this would have ever gone down in 1998
19. But you're strong - you know what's up
You can take Andy Cohen down no problem.
20. You can tell people shut up - especially those younger than you
And even some of those hags who are older than you too.