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The Millennial's Dilemma

Just because they're first world problems doesn't mean they're not still actual problems. #millennialprobz

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Adulthood comes with a lot of responsibility.

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I mean, I can make time for laundry, cleaning my apartment, and doing my dishes... but I also need to mail my friend a care package, go to the gym, take a shower, shave, reupholster my chairs like those chairs I saw on Pinterest, juice my breakfast, clean the juicer, and start meditating. How am I supposed to do all of these things in one weekend?!

But it would be less of a challenge if it weren't so expensive.

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Okay, so... rent and utilities are $1400, groceries are $500, $300 to retirement, my student loans are another $300, transportation is $100, and miscellaneous (like laundry, household items, and my gym membership) will run me about $100. $2700. Okay. And my income from my main job is $2100. Income from second job is $800. I've got $200 dollars to spare! This means I can go out to eat four times and also get coffee on occasion! Oh, wait... I did lose my cellphone yesterday. Guess I'll need to replace that.

Wow. So many people are having babies.

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I need a baby, too! Wait, aren't I too young to have a baby? I mean... I'm pretty sure I feel exactly as responsible as I was my sophomore year of high school. And, I totally can't afford a baby... I should probably find the baby a father first, right? Also... I'll have to push the baby out! Or have it cut out. Oh no! Maybe I don't want a baby... I think I'll wait a few years. Or seven.


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I'm pretty sure GMOs are poisonous. I must eat organic foods. Also, isn't there supposed to be a giant earthquake that comes to kill us soon? Or was that a volcanic eruption that's going to plummet us into an ice age? ... I'm pretty sure both are coming. What about the shortage of water? Are we going to die of dehydration? Am I missing something, or is our world leadership corrupt? How can I fix these things? I don't even have abs yet, and I've been working on them for over two months!! I'm an adult and I'm supposed to manage all of this on my own and I just don't know if I can!!! I need to take a nap.

It's time to start building your career.

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Okay, so... I like my job. I like my boss. But is this the career for me? I'm not exactly feeling fulfilled. I want to impact the world in a positive way! I know I was supposed to figure out what I was going to do with my life while I was in college but... I was a teenager for like half of that time! That's too much to ask of a teenager!! Am I truly happy in my work? Will I be happy doing this for, like, 30 more years? I don't have enough experience to know! What if I leave, and realize it was a mistake? Help! Why are there not better road maps for this portion of my life?!

Maybe you should go to grad school.

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I know! I'll make my life a lot simpler by getting a graduate degree! This means I'll have to choose a field of study. I should pick something more useful than what I studied during undergrad... but what? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and now I'm pretty sure I'm the age they were referring to when they spoke of the ambiguity that is being "grown up". Do I really need more debt? Should I have just gone to trade school instead of getting my undergraduate degree? I mean, I enjoyed my education, but... now I'm pretty sure I need to go to grad school. What should I study?!

Maybe you should live abroad.

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I had so much fun during my semester abroad, but... I'm still not exactly fluent in French. I should go live abroad again, right? I mean, this is one of the only times in my life I'll be able to go without worrying about a family or throwing a major loop into my career path. Being bilingual is always super great for a résumé... also I want more culture in my life. And adventure! I need an adventure. But living abroad is expensive. Will I be able to get a work visa? Who will hire me since I don't exactly speak the language? But I need to go! It's now or never, right?!

You're pretty young, but you're also kinda getting old.

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I've been moisturizing every night and every morning and I am still developing fine lines! Am I going to have to get injections? I really am not into needles, especially needles that are going into my face... Why do I still have pimples?! Okay, yes, they're less frequent than they were in middle school, but... I should not be developing wrinkles and zits at the same time! Is that a gray hair?? Are you kidding? I'm 24! 24-year-olds aren't supposed to have gray hair! My skin is just losing some of its elasticity and that is really not okay with me...

Dating is scary.

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Do I really want the entire world to see my face? I mean, I do, obviously... but isn't it a little dangerous? I mean... I guess they're seeing everyone's face so seeing mine shouldn't be anything special. Except I am hella attractive... I guess I'll take a chance. Okay! Cool. Someone cute likes me. Should I talk to them? What if they want to meet me? How do I know they are who they say they are? Should I express interest? I don't want to be too vulnerable... Maybe I'll just stay single. Single is good. I mean, I'll get married someday, right? Heck! Even if I don't, that's cool. I'm strong. I can be alone forever... right?


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Don't get me wrong, high school wasn't the best. But, at least I had some semblance of freedom while still only doing a portion of the household chores and I got free meals. Man, I wish someone would cook for me. I wish I could have family dinner and family movie nights all of the time again. Why did my rebellion have to land square in the center of my last bit of constant family time? We had such nice furniture. I had such a nice bed. I wish I could afford stuff that nice now. Life was so simple when I was younger. Why isn't time travel a thing yet?

But it will all be okay.

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I can do this! I am strong. I will not worry too much about the world's daily problems. I will not worry to much about my own financial fragility. I will endure. I will become more valuable with every experience. I am smart! I am capable! I am ready. I will not be timid in the pursuit of my desires. I am young, and this is my time. I will reach and surpass my full potential. Let's do this!

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