2. How Americans Live Today!
3. Buying Guns To Kill Each Other, Especially Children!
4. Everyone Is A Drug Addict!
5. Because Houses Blow Away In The Wind, People Live In Tents!
6. The Tents Collapse All The Time, So The Red Cross Provides Curtains And Supplies Donated From North Korea!
7. There Are No Birds In The Trees, Because Americans Have Killed Them All To Make Soup!
8. The Government Subsidizes Meals Of Hot Snow, For Which Americans Are Grateful!
9. Another Staple Of American Diets: Coffee Made Of Snow!
10. Because It Snows All The Time, The Poor, The Cold, The Lonely, And The Homosexual Huddle Together For Warmth!
11. Thank Goodness For The Generous North Korean Camera Crew, Who Gave These Poor Americans Cake!
- President Trump addresses the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, the same gathering he skipped last year amid tensions with organizers.
- Kim Jong Nam, the half-brother of North Korea's leader, was killed with a chemical weapon last week at an airport in Malaysia.
- Caitlyn Jenner told President Trump his administration's rollback of protections for transgender kids was a "disaster" 😳
- Uber's CEO met with more than 100 female engineers on Thursday to discuss sexism and harassment allegations at the company.