38 Things Only People Who Work From Home Will Understand
Freelance? Self-Employed? Work remotely? THIS IS FOR YOU.
1. When people on Twitter complain endlessly about their horrible morning commute.
2. And you feel pretty smug that when it snows or the trains are a mess, your commute consists of a walk down the hallway.
3. And then you realise that you actually never get to have a snow day. :(
4. Or a sick day.
The closest you can get is watching a film and drinking a Lemsip while you monitor work on your iPad.
5. Or inside-joke work LOLZ.
6. But your amazing work-from-home office dress code looks something like this.
7. And the only form of office drama you have to deal with is this.
8. When people ask about your "home office" you make it sound like this.
9. But your workspace at home actually just looks like this.
10. It's a massive achievement if you put on a bra before 11 a.m.
11. And if you're out of your pyjamas by noon, you're basically winning at life.
12. Your productivity levels are through the roof compared to your in-office colleagues.
13. (Unless you're secretly hungover.)
14. Your "lunch break" consists of walking to the kitchen, grabbing whatever food is readily available, and then walking back to your computer.
15. You play the "how long can I hold my pee before getting up from my desk" game a lot longer than you would in an office.
16. Your family tend to act like you're unemployed or somehow don't have a "real job".
17. You feel like people judge you when you say you wake up at 8 a.m., even if it's because you don't have a commute and can make your own work schedule.
18. And you also work insane hours because, hey, you're never really out of office.
19. When you have house guests they tend to forget that just because you're home doesn't mean you don't have work to do.
20. People will also just drop by if they're in the neighbourhood because they know you're home.
21. Unfortunately, when anyone calls the house or knocks on the door, you are HOME and therefore ANSWER.
"FOR FUCK'S SAKE NO I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE ABOUT THE LIFE AND LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST."
22. And you're convinced your neighbours think you're unemployed and spend all day watching daytime television because you're always home.
23. But, always being home means you never miss a delivery.
24. But if you're expecting something you live in constant fear that the moment you need to shower or take a poop the doorbell will ring.
"JUST A MINUTE! JUST A SECOND! BE RIGHT THERE DEAR GOD PLEASE WAIT."
25. And you also end up serving as a parcel collection service for your neighbours because UPS have figured out you're basically always in.
"Hi. Me again. Signed for this. You're welcome."
26. Christmas party?
27. Cake and a card from your co-workers on your birthday?
28. Homebaked goods from your colleagues?
29. Colleagues? Er...
30. You can go hours, if not days without actually ever needing to speak.
31. And you've developed some strange habits that seem totally normal until your partner comes home and they're like, "OK so let's maybe get you out of the house?"
32. Case in point, you sometimes have to be reminded to leave the house.
33. And going outside means you might have to actually TALK TO PEOPLE.
34. But you've noticed that the only people around in the middle of the day are pensioners, stay-at-home mothers, and babies.
35. You sometimes decide to TREAT YO'SELF by going to work from Starbucks for the morning.
36. But the Wi-Fi will be down or (even worse) all the seats with plugs will be taken by men with headphones on, hunched over their Macbook Airs while they develop a game-changing app.
37. And then babies will start screaming, teenagers will start gossiping very loudly over Frappuccinos, and the plunky jazz music will send you over the edge.
MAKE IT STOP.