1.
do you ever get tagged in a meme and wonder if there were ever, like, medieval peasants pointing out a weird-looking turnip to another medieval peasant like “forsoothe gregorye yt ys thee after ye revelles of christmastide last”
2.
The weather has been so good that my local Bargain Booze are offering an authentic Al Fresco experience.
3.
random drunk lassie on the train just held a chip to ma face n went ‘this is a microphone, what do u think of alex on love island?’ OMG
4.
Pictured: Mr Tumble, just after he’s absolutely punted a duck over a nearby fence
5.
Woman on the train just tapped me on the arm & said ‘sorry - is that yours?’ Looked on the floor where she was pointing & it was a massive stag beetle Like does she think I littered it or that it’s my pet or what
6.
7.
how can my dealer be adhering to GDPR regulations pls
8.
I’m not saying Scottish people lose all sense of perspective when there’s a wee bit of sunshine but I just saw a woman doing her ironing in her front garden.
9.
british culture is singing along to the backing guitars as if its lyrics
10.
Okay I'm unfollowing for sale or swap Stockport
11.
The Postman writing a red slip for your package after lightly knocking the door once
12.
Every time I check my bank statements
13.
When you can't decide what primary school too attend https://t.co/LbL4ftf9Bh
14.
kim k eats noodles topless n gets hunners a retweets, a eat noodles topless n am no allowed back in wagamama https://t.co/YteOT1iWfU
15.
tried on a bra in Primark & it was nice so I went to buy it but there was no tag so the guy went to find a supervisor to get a code, comes back & goes "this isn't ours, it's a swap" so someone has literally left THEIR OWN BRA on a hanger in order to shoplift one AND I TRIED IT ON
16.
hair: done face: beat feeling: good bog: off
17.
Ma da had to sleep on the couch last night cos my maw found out he'd googled the BBC Scotland weatherwoman.
18.
Crawling back to you, to me https://t.co/IL4CZTbQAk
19.
When he’s telling you the story of how he could’ve been a footballer but got injured
20.
Andy found this meme, so fucking perfect
21.
Ma sister paid to get a cake made like the happy go lucky cup and pot from beauty and the beast n they look like there ready to punch ma cunt in https://t.co/bCCOO8M31V
22.
*stubs out cigarette* Well, student finance england, where do i begin?
23.
..... and the Oscar for best Actress goes to @itvcorrie 's female photographer. Bravo 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
24.
me: *knows chvrches is pronounced churches* also me: chuvurches
25.
yet another unrealistic beauty standard for women
26.
Sitting in a bar in malia and we ask the guy to take a picture of us, and he was like do u want the dog in the pic, and we were like aye why not, result being https://t.co/E9gceO9qvk
27.
Wee guy pointed at my dug and said to his maw "nice doggy" then pointed at me and went "that's his dad." Technically though, as my dug used to stay with my granny and granda and they referred to themselves as his maw and da, the dug is actually my uncle
28.
29.
This is what happens when you’re all work and no play...
30.
“MISS VAAAAANJIE!!”
31.
So you want me to be healthy but mango is £2 whilst bueno is 65p, what do you expect me to do
32.
pingu was peppa pig before that slab of ham even had a second of notoriety. a true mischievous ice non-gender specific icon. couldn't even understand what was being said but you know it was shady.
33.
please know that i have replied to your email in my heart
34.
Cos I'm a creep…
35.
"SLOW DOWN, YOU OLD BITCH," I scream at the YouTube knitting tutorial lady.
36.
When go to you pull your jeans up but don’t know your own strength
37.
Kate Nash: I said I’d rather be with ur friends mate, cos they are much FIT TER 8yr old me:
38.
self checkout robot lady: PLEASE TAKE UR ITEMS me, furiously throwing shopping into endless tiny, useless tote bags: do u think I am still here for the good of my health Sharon
39.
me: *dips digestive in tea* digestive: https://t.co/EfWv0q4bAw