27 Reasons Why I Can't Wait To Turn 80
The thing I am without a doubt most excited for is a free bus pass.
1. Firstly, let me just say that I believe I will be way more confident when I’m old. I 100% will be that old lady who doesn’t care if anyone thinks she’s being rude.
2. There will be no more starting off my sentences with “Sorry, but…”, I will probably just start them all like “Excuse me bitch”.
3. I will be so fearless that I’ll actually tell someone when they’re sat in my seat rather than just leaving it because I don’t want to cause a scene.
4. I’ll even complain in restaurants when my food is cold.
5. I imagine that by the time I’m old I would have fully mastered the art of haggling and won’t ever pay full price like a fool.
6. Cardigans are unequivocally the cosiest item of clothing and as an elderly woman I am going to have a whole wardrobe of them and no one can tell me I need more range in my wardrobe.
7. I imagine that when I’m older I’ll finally have the money to wear cashmere. That’s the dream.
8. There’s something about having gray hair that I think will be really fun, and kind of cool. Hipsters dye their hair silver all the time but I won’t have to pay for it.
9. When you’re over 60 it’s pretty accepted, no encouraged, to get a perm and quite frankly I can’t wait for the experience.
10. With all of that free time I will become very cultured and will hopefully get around to finally learning a new language.
11. Or I might just take up hobbies like embroidery or playing the accordion.
12. Maybe I’ll be like “fuck it” and go travelling around the world.
13. I will probably the first 80 year-old to compete professionally in an extreme sport.
14. The thing I am without a doubt most excited for is a free bus pass.
15. I could spend all day going around country roads for absolutely nothing, what a thrill.
16. People always give up their seat on the bus for the elderly, I can’t wait for that.
17. I can’t wait to be old because no one can tell me no, I could eat 57 free samples and the free sample lady can’t really cut me off because that would be disrespecting the elderly.
18. I will probably no longer be scared by the youths who hang out outside my flat because i’ll be comforted by the fact that they HAVE to respect their elders.
19. I’ll always just pop around to my younger family member's homes for dinner and never cook.
20. And I’ll never make a cup of tea for myself, someone else will always offer me one on account of my age.
21. Daytime TV is some of the best/weirdest TV and we’ve been missing out on it or most of our working lives, but when I’m old I’m going to be able to watch as much of it as I’d like.
22. This is lame I know but when I’m old I’ll miss that giant line at the supermarket I always find myself in after work and get to have a blissful mid-day shop.
23. I know that I don’t really HAVE to shave now, but as an 80 year-old I won’t have any societal pressure to shave and that would be refreshing tbh.
24. Going to the cinema in the daytime will be the best.
25. Okay I’ll admit that this one is kind of weird, but I love pulling out random long white hairs I find in random places on my body and in my old age I envisage that I will stumble upon more of these than I do now. That fills me with joy.
26. I hope when I’m 80 I’ll have a little white beard that older women sometimes get, I think it will make me look wise.
27. And there’s something strangely comforting about getting to stroke my own beard.