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    Mar 10, 2018

    PSA: I'm Sick Of Maintaining My Vagina

    Big shout out to my vagina for being great, but also it's a big pain in the.. er... vagina.

    Hi! I love having a vagina, I'm a big fan of vaginas in general. But I do wonder if they could be a littler easier to maintain.

    I know that the vagina is self cleaning and in reality I shouldn't be maintaining anything at all.

    Ellinephoto / Getty Images / Cassie Smyth

    But hear me out, it feels like everything I do or don't do irritates it!

    20th Century Fox

    Want to wear tights so that you're warm in the winter? DON'T DO IT. You'll anger your vagina and get thrush.


    Thrush is a yeast infection that can be caused by an overgrowth of Candida albicans, a type of fungus. Wearing tight clothes can raise your body temp and increase the chance of yeast overgrowth, causing itchiness and discharge.

    Oh so you like that pair of pants? Wrong, you don't. They give you thrush, sorry?

    Universal Pictures

    Sleeping after sex sounds perfect, right? Nope, you should pee after sex to clear out any naturally-occurring bacteria that could have been introduced from the vagina into the urethra, which could cause a UTI.


    (Although it’s not a bad idea for everyone, whether they have a vagina or not, to pee after sex.)

    Ooooo so you like that body wash, but you're very careful not to get it anywhere near your vagina? Nope, throw it out, it will still set your vagina on fire.

    Fine Line Features

    And I have periods! That's maintenance I didn't even sign up for!


    I didn't ask to bleed once a month but here I am paying a ludicrous amount of money for tampons and pads that frankly do a sub par job.

    And yes I could get a menstrual cup but clearly if I'm writing writing about my vagina online I'm not in the business of taking any action, I'm just here to moan.


    My vagina rinses me of money I could be spending on the rest of my body, but no that needy gold digger wants what it wants.


    Although it's not my vagina's fault. It's the tax they put on sanitary products.

    And not to mention the price of the thrush pill.


    I love having a vagina but I don't think that a penis is this hard to maintain.

    Paramount Pictures

    That is all.


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