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27 Kind Of Weird Tweets That You'll Laugh At If You're Also Kind Of Weird

"PIGEON KID: I need to go bad. PIGEON MOM: Try to hold it until we find a statue."

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me: thank you for that glass of milk earlier sperm bank employee: what glass of milk me: the glass of milk that… https://t.co/DKwwEnzDVk

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when u do your hair for brunch and they cancel

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I got arrested for going on Shark Tank to sell the idea of upside-down sweet potatoes

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When your body randomly creaks and pops it's because you're actually an enchanted puppet and the old hag's spells are finally wearing off

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PIGEON KID: I need to go bad PIGEON MOM: Try to hold it until we find a statue

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Yo i mite jus be high as fuck but i swear erry cop look like dis

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“IT IS THE DAYTIME, HECTOR. THE DAY. WHEN I SLEEP. WHAT THE FUCK.”

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me looking for someone random at a party to overshare personal information with

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music: off earphones: out bus driver: thanked

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i feed my son he is becoming powerful

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Youtuber's Apology is my favorite new Ben and Jerry's flavor

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This big b*tch just smacked my ass are you joking ...

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I'm the only one who knows this is a murder mystery dinner

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You: tide pods Me, an intellectual:

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Our toilet seat broke and I let my boyfriend pick out the new one

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i have no desire to eat tide pods but i DO wanna drink the ᶠᵒʳᵇᶦᵈᵈᵉᶰ ᶰᵉᶜᵗᵃʳ

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When you chew something that's very crunchy in a room full of ppl and they all turn to look at you.

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*finds silverware drawer at friends house on first try* nice nice

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oh evolution isn't real? explain this

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