Whoever said you can’t have it all is full of shit. I mean, come on, just look at this list of rich, flawless assholes and tell me they don’t kiss their reflection every morning when they stand in front of the mirror. They probably practice their poses while they’re brushing their damned perfect teeth.
Ugh. Let’s go ahead and feel a moment of collective jealousy.
Warning: You are about to submit to some hatred, bitterness, and jealousy. If these emotions don’t manifest by the end of this list then you are probably devoid of natural human instinct or you already posses enough of these physical traits to be on this list yourself. Either way, shame on you.
For the rest of us, let us proceed.
3. Halle Berry
Halle is terribly beautiful and SEEMS terribly nice too. It doesn’t help me to sleep better at night to think of how terribly wealthy she is on top of that.
Short hair, long hair, doesn’t matter. She always looks perfect. Sigh.
5. Kellan Lutz
The only thing I share with Kellan Lutz is height. It makes me a little angry and a lot jealous when I ponder how different 6.1” can look on two different people.
Kellan you lucky bastard.
Even a stupid hair cut looks good on this body.
7. Angelina Jolie
Mrs. Jolie-Pitt brags the perfect complexion, gorgeous eyes, perfect teeth, and cheek bones you could cut a tomato with, not to mention those lips!
Let’s not forget her rainbow of stylish children, fabulous wealth and Brad Pitt.
I bet everyone in her book club hates her.
9. Boris Kodjoe
Well if this isn’t a good example of perfect genetics then he is proof that scientists have learned to build the perfect human specimen. Scary thought people.
You want to know what he is grinning about in this picture?
He is basically thinking about the fact that even when he has absolutely no hair on his head, he is still hotter than 90% of the rest of us.
He is one evil hot super human.
I hate him right now.
11. Scarlet Johansson
I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone who looks like they have been punched in the face and still look this smoking.
I mean, I could smack myself in the mouth all day every day (no comment as to whether I’ve ever tried) and still not have her smoky baby blues, flawless skin, or perfect bone structure.
I’m going to have to get bigger lips some other way. I can’t take the blows to my face or ego any longer.
Can’t forget the body!
14. Shemar Moore
Shemar, you put that shirt back on right this minute.
Fine leave it off, you perfectly sculpted package of man beauty.
16. Charlize Theron
There is not enough time in the day to compile all of her many perfections and it would give me a beauty headache to even try.
She even blinks pretty.
18. Jensen Ackles
Jensen here is basically the most wonderful kind of boy next door meets smokin hot stud. I know it might seem pathetic but I’ll be honest:
The only thing I pray for at night is to morph into Jensen Ackles
I only said what we are probably all thinking.
Even a little nose hair showing would help make me believe he isn’t such a bad guy.
It’s probably photo shopped out, but I can’t help bitterly muttering to myself when I think there is a chance he doesn’t even grow any.
20. Jennifer Lopez
I think J-Lo proves that you can be as much of a bitch as you’d like as long as you are flawless. I mean she doesn’t even have to pretend to be nice. We would all still gladly drop some cash to take her on some sort of awkward and frigid date.
Love don’t cost a thing my ass.
She has built an entire career on those lips and cheekbones. Let’s be real, no one ever went to a J-Lo concert to hear her sing. They went to watch her perform
22. Chace Crawford
Chace my friend, you have probably contributed to more solo sex than any other member of gossip girl, COMBINED.
This is known as a “practiced pout”. I don’t think many of us could pull this off nearly as well.
24. Megan Fox
Ah yes, Megan, the wily foul mouthed goddess herself.
Everything about this girl is designed to frustrate man/womankind.
I once had a dream that Megan Fox was my bride and I kept her in a glass case. I would occasionally take her out to do her makeup and change her outfits. Now if this seems like a creepy dream, let me make more sense (and less at the same time).
I am a gay man.
That explains the makeup and dress up factors in the dream but it doesn’t quite explain how Megan Fox is hot enough to make a homo dream of heterosexual marriage.
I think it’s safe to say she was beamed onto Earth by some sort of Republican Alien civilization. Her mission on Earth is to make even Gay men question their sexuality, therefor making Equal Marriage Rights seem completely unnecessary.
Well played Aliens, well played indeed.
26. Zac Efron
God Damn it! The only thing that makes me feel more plain than Zac’s face has got to be his abs.
Now obviously this picture is filtered to hell, but why don’t any of my Instagram pictures look like this?!
It’s undeniable that Beyonce is now the queen of the world. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve it. She is flawless in every way and I think there are more than one of us who can’t wait to see her descend to mortal level when father time catches up.
She just celebrated her 31st birthday on September 4th.
She still looks this good?
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