First off, let's get one thing straight (lol): QUEER EYE IS ONE OF THE PUREST SHOWS ON TV RIGHT NOW AND EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH IT.
But secondly, if you've watched at least two episodes of the show, then you know that all five of the guys have, uh, some go-to moves that they like to use for each makeover.
every dude on queer eye: ive never brushed my teeth in my life tan: french tuck
So though I know we all deeply love Queer Eye, let's all enjoy these jokes about each member of the Fab Five...because they are hilariously accurate:
1. Yup:
every ep of Queer Eye bobby: your house is blue and grey now antoni: do you like dip tan: patterned shirt, french tuck jonathan: literally just wash your face karamo: FACE YOUR DEMONS
2. Mhmm:
#QueerEye Bobby: you need a SPACE for yourSELF Karamo: you need CONFIDENCE Antoni: you need something QUICK and SIMPLE Jonathan: you need to make TIME for POMADE Tan: you need to get it together or your wife will divorce you. I always look good for my husband.
3. 100%:
Karamo: I had a chat with them about confidence! Jonathan: I took them for a haircut! Antoni: I taught them how to make guacamole! Tan: I bought them a pair of dress shoes! Bobby: I DESIGNED, BUILT AND DECORATED A TWO STORY HOUSE WITH MY TWO BARE HANDS SOMEONE HELP ME #QueerEye
4. Lol, yeah:
Queer eye really be like : Bobby : ok so I spent 250,000$ renovating your house Karamo : let’s talk feelings and see the real you. The true you Tan : I just spent 17,000$ on new clothes for you ! Jonathan: here’s a beautiful haircut! Antoni : HeRE HoW U MaKe GrILLeD CHeEZ 🤪
5. Always:
Queer Eye— a summary Antoni: you can now make one (1) dip Tan: French tuck, snazzy sneakers, and you’re good Jonathon: pomade and sunscreen honeyyyy Bobby: this is navy and grey Karamo: when you stare into the void does it stare back. did you parents love you. we all die alone
6. *Nodding*:
Bobby: here’s a new house keep it clean Jonathan: here’s new hair keep it managed professionally Tan: here’s new clothes only wear this Karamo: here’s a new brain you don’t GET to have anxiety anymore guy: h Antoni: here’s a sensible Caesar salad recipe guy: oh thank god
7. Definitely:
every Queer Eye ep bobby: no more clutter! i'm throwing out 90% of your furniture. here's a sectional karamo: look into my eyes and reveal your entire family history antoni: that's a sexy pan for stir fry jonathan: pomade will save us all tan: ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES FOR CONFIDENCE
8. Spot on:
Every ep of queer eye: Tan: Patterns! Boots! Rolled Cuffs! Layer so we don't see your tummy Koromo: I'm your dad now Jonathan: Sodium lauryl sulfate is what carburetors are cleaned with Bobby: I basically demolished your house and built you this knew one Antoni: Greek Yogurt!
9. Find the lie:
Antoni’s budget: $40 Karamo’s budget: $25 Tan’s budget: $300 Jonathan’s budget: $50 Bobby’s budget: $45,000 #QueerEye
10. Correct:
Green Eggs & Ham w/ #QueerEye Bobby: would you eat them in this box? Antoni: would you eat them with this lox? Karamo: would you eat them while you’re depressed? Tan: would you eat them while getting dressed? Jonathan: YOU ARE SERVING FULL ON RHYMING REALNESS AND I LOVE IT
11. *holds back tears* yes:
JVN: *cuts their hair beautifully* Me: 😭 Tan: *french tuck* Me: 😭 Bobbi: *fluffs a pillow* Me: 😭 Antoni: *peels an egg* Me: 😭 Karamo: *does anything* Me: 😭 #queereye
12. Accurate:
Jonathon (crying): I will make you beautiful. Tan (crying): I will make you stylish. Antoni (crying): I will teach you to feed a family. Bobby (crying): I will build your dream home. Karamo (crying) I will make you the best mix cd you have ever heard in your life 😭😭😭
13. No error here:
Jonathan: gives radiant glow and a decade off their face Karamo: improves their social skills and motivation 1000x Tan: creates a new wardrobe that lets them embrace their style and personality Bobby: transforms their entire home Antoni: puts onions in water
14. LOL, YES:
every episode of @QueerEye bobby: despite repetition of themes jonathan: and archetypal behavior antoni: this show is karamo: uplifting & addictive tan: patterned button down shirt