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    Sep 26, 2018

    29 Hilarious Jokes About "Harry Potter" That Honestly Deserve An Award

    "Voldemort really blew a 7-0 Horcrux lead...get that bum outta here, man."


    Harry Potter and that's it that's the book


    You got accepted to Hogwarts. Congrats


    Voldemort really blew a 7-0 Horcrux lead.. get that bum outta here man


    Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no


    Dobby is a free elf, Dobby is eternally grateful to Harry Potter


    HARRY POTTER: hmm what grown up job do i want [incredible at teaching his peers to do patronus spells, natural leader, "hogwarts is my home"] READER: obviously defense against the dark arts professo— HARRY: wizard cop 😎



    Ginny weasley opening the chamber of secrets and getting everyone killed


    when you get kicked out of hogwarts and have to sell wands on the black market


    Remember how in Harry Potter, Mrs. Weasley had that clock that showed where her family was, & it stopped working once Voldemort came back because now all the hands always just pointed to MORTAL PERIL? That’s what I think about whenever anyone asks anyone “How are you?” these days


    Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate] James Potter: push down and then pull back Voldemort: I am [still struggling] Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10


    harry was really gonna let ron get all the way to hogwarts and not tell him he’s got dirt on his nose cause hes a fake ass fuckin friend hermione’s the only real one in this whole shit


    can u believe that those two 12 years old bitches also known as ron & harry could have waited for adults to send them to hogwarts but instead drove a flying car over half united kingdom & its invisibility fuction didnt even work & 12 muggles saw them bitch i’d done that too


    Okay. Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts in his THIRD YEAR. In 3 YEARS THIS "SCHOOL" DID NOT TEACH HIM HOW TO SPELL THE WORD "HAPPY" OR "BIRTHDAY"? WTF Uncle dursley was right hogwarts is a garbage education


    so in harry potter we learn that dumbledore has a birthmark that perfectly mimics the map of the london underground on his left knee yet him being gay was "not a relevant enough to the plot to mention" ok jkr


    Voldemort was really beefing with a kid.


    Darth Vader: I killed three whole planets. Thanos: I killed half the universe. Voldemort: I uhh...almost killed this one kid like 7 times. Everyone: Voldemort: *shakes head sadly* stupid mother’s love.


    dumbledore calculating gryffindor's points at the end of the school year


    when you're tied with slytherin but dumbledore says fuck it and gives 10 points to gryffindor last minute


    ron after a year of trying to figure out how hermione is taking so many classes while she gaslights him


    ron: *eats dinner while harry, his best friend, is missing from the great hall * hermione:


    antoni and karamo look like hogwarts professors who volunteered to chaperone the yule ball just for an opportunity to get dressed up


    seamus: *blows up something, as usual* harry, ron, hermione, dean, neville, lavender, mcgonagall, flitwick, dumbledore:


    8-year-old: Never do forbidden curses. Me: That's right. 8: Unless you won't get caught. I'm raising a Slytherin.


    hogwarts sorting tests be like what do you like to do in your free time? a) evil stuff b) read books c) fight evil with the power of friendship d) orange


    [during sex] me: i want u to hurt me x : harry james potter was abused so much me: wait x: the dursleys treated him like an object, snape abused him in class, many students abused him during the forth & fifth year, & ultimately dumbledore had no respect for his life me: stop


    ME: If you had the Sorting Hat on, which Hogwarts House do you think you'd be assigned to DATE: Idk, none of that is real ME: I bet I'd be in Hufflepuff DATE: Okay ME: DATE: ME; DATE: ME: Do you think Snape's clothes were soft DATE: I gotta go


    DUMBLEDORE: Hey this 11 year old is now responsible for saving us from Magic Hitler. EVERYONE ELSE: Okay.


    dumbledore throughout the entire harry potter series

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