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    Posted on Oct 30, 2015

    36 Alternate "Hocus Pocus" Titles That Are Truly Accurate

    Thackery Binx: Your Sexual Awakening

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    Walt Disney Pictures / Pedro Fequiere for BuzzFeed

    1. What Happens When You Try to Impress a Girl

    2. Why Were All These Kids Left Alone on Halloween Night?

    3. Seriously, Where Are All the Babysitters?

    4. RIP, Max's Stolen Shoes

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    5. Kid With No Shoes Saves Precocious Sister

    6. Please Don't Light the Goddamn Candle

    7. The Virgin Who Lit the Candle

    8. Whose Mom Would Have Dressed Like Madonna in the '90s?

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    9. Careless Teen Almost Kills Off His Entire Town

    10. Seriously, Don't Touch That Book With the Eye

    11. Sarah Jessica Parkers' Best Role

    12. Salem: A Town Where No One Notices Witches Riding Cleaning Supplies

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    13. Thackery Binx: Your Sexual Awakening

    14. I Heart Thackery Binx

    15. Billy Butcherson: Your Second Sexual Awakening

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    16. I Smell a Hormonal Teenage Boy and His Sister

    17. The Sanderson Sisters' Night Out

    18. Jay and Ice: A Love Story

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    19. Revenge of the Mastermind Witch and Her Two Idiot Sisters

    20. Amuck, Amuck, Amuck, Amuck!

    21. Sarah Jessica Parkers' Bewitching Yabos

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    22. The Royally Screwed Up Night of Trick-or-Treating

    23. Black Magic but No Black People

    24. Jacob Bailey High: The School With an Incinerator

    Walt Disney Pictures / Via

    25. Literally So Much Death in a Children's Movie

    26. The Buck-Toothed, Mop-Riding, Firefly From Hell

    27. Morton Salt's Greatest Marketing Stunt

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    28. The Sanderson Sisters: How Three Women Learned to Walk in Unison

    29. The Bus Driver Might Be a Perv

    30. Jay and Ice: Trapped for Lyfe

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    31. Seventeenth-Century Witches Can Easily Adapt to Life in the '90s

    32. DreamWitches: The Story of Winnie Trying to Go Solo

    33. The Most Traumatizing Cat Death You'll Ever See

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    34. Hocus Pocus: A Cautionary Tale of Why City Kids Should Never Move to Small Towns

    35. 30% on Rotten Tomatoes

    36. This Really Should Have Been a Musical

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