Welcome to BuzzFeed Sex Q&A, where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we’ll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
2. This week’s question:
Hi to whoever may read this.
I’ll identify as a straight male, mid-twenties. As of late, I’ve been curious about the male G-spot (butt play), and I got into wearing male thongs. So my questions are: 1) Does this make me gay?; and 2) How does one stimulate the G-spot? I’ve been reading about butt plugs and anal vibrators, but do you have any recommendations for them, or how to start?
3. Well, you’re definitely not alone. We’ve actually gotten a few questions like this.
4. First of all, your sexual orientation is not dictated by what you like to do (or wear) in bed.
There is no rule or checklist out there that determines your sexual orientation by tallying up your turn-ons, your favorite sex acts, or your underwear preferences. It’s about who you’re sexually attracted to and how you identify, says Kort, not what you’re sexually attracted to.
“Your anus doesn’t have a sexual orientation; it just likes pleasure,” says Kort. “There are also lots of gay men who don’t like anal sex. That doesn’t make them any ‘less gay.’”
5. So being curious about prostate stimulation or wearing thongs doesn’t mean you’re gay — it means you’re curious about prostate stimulation or wearing thongs.
“In no way does having your prostate stimulated have anything to do with your sexual orientation,” says Kerner. “All men — regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity — have prostates.”
Ditto for wearing a thong. Whatever underwear is comfortable for you and makes you feel confident and/or turned on throughout the day — wear it! Clothing also does not dictate your sexual orientation.
6. OK, so let’s talk about the male G-spot, otherwise known as the prostate.
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that’s located right in front of the rectum, and it produces seminal fluid to nourish and protect sperm. Stimulating the prostate — either alone or in combination with penile stimulation — can really enhance and amplify orgasms, says Kerner.
“Men who get comfortable with prostate stimulation are usually really strong converts,” he says.
7. There are lots of ways to stimulate your prostate, but the experts suggest starting slow and solo.
Just like you probably got really good at masturbating before you had sex with someone else, Kerner suggests getting comfortable with this new sensation before trying it with a partner. Kort also suggests doing some research and reading to learn more about it first (he suggests Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, PhD).
To start, you’ll probably just want to explore the area with your fingers. So wash your hands, trim your fingernails, and get some lube. Then, when you’re masturbating, first focus on the perineum (the area between the anus and the scrotum, aka your butt and your balls). Then focus on the anus, then the anal entrance, and finally (when lubed up), you can insert a finger into the rectum.
Once you’re comfortable with that sensation, you can try to stimulate your prostate by reaching up and back with your finger(s), explains Kerner, almost like you’re trying to reach your belly button.
8. After that, you might want to try a butt plug or prostate massager.
The sheer number (and popularity) of sex toys specifically designed for anal pleasure should help to reassure you that this is a thing lots of people of all sexual orientations are into.
Kerner suggests starting with a thin, silicone butt plug, like this one from Aneros. You can also try a prostate massager, like this stainless-steel pure wand from njoy. There are also some vibrating options from Lelo, like the Loki Wave, which actually makes a “come here” motion when you turn it on.
There are obviously lots of different options, so spend some time looking around and reading reviews if you’re not sure what you want. And be prepared to spend a little more for a really good-quality toy. As Kerner says, “They’re a little more expensive, but hey, you’re putting this up your butt.”
9. And definitely, definitely do not forget lube.
So much lube. The rectum doesn’t lubricate on its own, so you’re going to need some help to make it really comfortable and pleasurable.
Just make sure to use only water-based lubes with silicone sex toys, says Kerner, since a silicone lube will cause them to break down.
10. Also, give yourself a big pat on the back for being open to experimenting with different sex acts and taking some steps to find out more.
“I like that they’re writing in about this, because who else do you go to to talk about this?” says Kort.
Of course, if you’re having more questions about your sexuality or you’re having trouble accepting your sexual interests, it could be worth finding a sex-positive therapist to talk to. You can look for sex therapists in your area by going to the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) website.
11. Do you have a question you want answered by our sex experts? Email us at sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
The more details you give, the better answers you’ll get. Judgment-free zone! Feel free to sign it however you want (first name, alias, anonymous, some kind of descriptive sign-off, whatever), and we’ll reach out if we end up answering your question. Check out some of the questions we’ve already answered:
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