Welcome to the new BuzzFeed Sex Q&A where you can ask us your awkward, confusing, gross, embarrassing, or thought-provoking questions, and we'll provide answers from leading sexual health experts. Have a question about sex or sexual health? Send it to sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
This week’s question:
First of all, I would like to thank you for all you do. You're amazing, and I love it all. Can't start my day without spending some time on BuzzFeed.
I am a gay 21-year-old male, and I often have casual sex; most of the time it's just oral and not anything more. However, I know that I am versatile, but I have only topped before. I tried to bottom a couple of times, but I couldn't go through with it.
My question is, simply, how can I make bottoming hurt less? I really wanna do it, but it just hurts too much. How can I change that?
Thank you very much,
Hi, Anonymous! Thanks so much for your question (and the compliments!). To get some advice for you, we spoke with sex experts Joe Kort, Ph.D., author of Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician, and Ian Kerner, Ph.D., founder of GoodInBed.com. Here's what they had to say:
First, make sure that you genuinely want to do this, and you don't just feel pressure to do so.
Start by doing some prep work when you're alone and relaxed.
When you're ready to try it with a partner, keep these things in mind:
Remember: It's completely OK if this ends up not being your thing.
Do you have a question you want answered by our sex experts? Email us at sexQs@buzzfeed.com.
ALSO, the more details you give, the better answers you'll get. Judgment-free zone! Feel free to sign it however you want (first name, alias, anonymous, some kind of descriptive sign-off, whatever), and we'll reach out if we end up answering your question. Check out some of the questions we've already answered:
This post has been updated to indicate the appropriate and safe type of toys to use during anal play, for safety concerns.