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13 Boner Horror Stories That Will Make You Laugh Then Cringe

High school algebra was a bitch, huh?

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1. The job interview boner:

Dreamworks SKG / Via memes.com

"About 20 minutes into a job interview just seconds before they asked if I would like a tour of the office. I held that folder with my resume in it in front of my crotch for the entire tour...even after it went away, just to make it seem normal."

—Ross Nathan Greenberg, Facebook

2. The weightlifting boner:

Dreamworks SKG / Via quickmeme.com

"Freshman year I was in gym weight training class trying to talk down my own NARB, and out of nowhere the teacher asks me to come up to demonstrate the bench press. I never lived that one down."

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3. The Jesus boner:

NBC / Via quickmeme.com

"I used to go to a Catholic elementary/middle school, and the entire student body had to go to church twice a week. For some unknown reason, I would routinely get boners in church almost every single time around the same part of the service. It was so embarrassing and I would often have to adjust during mass or subtly cover my crotch with my hands to hide it.

"Later in life, I would realize that I was gay, and although I can’t be certain, I have a hunch that the source of my hard-ons may have been catching sight of the sexy Jesus with six-pack abs on the crucifix displayed in our church."

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4. The classroom boner:

NBC / Via giphy.com

"I was standing behind my English teacher, right between her and the classroom door (behind me), and she suddenly turned around and was looking for the doorknob and accidentally touched me there. She was extremely ashamed and apologizing, but I was even more ashamed because I was not able to go away when my underpants show began."

—Michel Tobon, Facebook

5. The surprise Viagra boner:

Focus Features / Via giphy.com

"When I was in high school my little brother thought it would be funny to switch out my allergy medication for his dad’s Viagra. Well, his father is a bigger man than I was, and required a heavy dosage of the medicine. Unbeknownst to me I took the medicine. I usually just threw back my pills without question, and they were roughly the same size and color.

"Well, a few hours passed and I had had a boner for about two hours straight. I finally decided to tell my mom I needed to go to the hospital, she begged why, and I stood up and it was apparent and I said that something was wrong. Well, we get to the doctors and I was waiting and I had to get naked and robe up. The nurse comes in to do the basic check and all that routine fun stuff. She looks at my penis, asks if it was fake, then flicks it. I was in a lot of pain. Needless to say she was so embarrassed she didn’t come back. The doctor came in and saw it and immediately said, 'We need to relieve the pressure.' My dick has never forgiven me for that. Horrible experience short...my brother got grounded."

ethan2bart2

6. The waterslide boner:

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"I’m standing in a fairly long line on a staircase for a waterslide when I suddenly get an erection. I tried covering it with my hands, praying no one will notice or it will go down. However, a younger kid does see it, points, and so I turn, much too quickly, and my erection hits one of the rungs on the railing with a 'thung.' Well, the sound kind of reverberates and causes several others to suddenly look in my direction.

"Eventually, I get to the front of the line and the attendant sees my erection (he’s at eye level with it) and the mortified look on my face, and shakes his head before quickly motioning for me to go down the slide. I had to hang out in a wave pool until it was finally all clear."

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8. The lunchroom boner:

Columbia Pictures / Via imgur.com

"I was at my school's retreat and the whole school was sitting in a big room for lunch. One of the kids got up and was saying a speech. I had to go to the bathroom, and when I got up, little did I know that I was not the only thing that was up. I had a NARB, and half of my school saw it, so I had to walk the rest of the way to the bathroom with my hands covering my pants."

—Jesse Blumenthal, Facebook

9. The algebra boner:

Nickelodeon / Via funnyjunk.com

"Back when I was 16, I was in math class. Out of nowhere I get an almost painful raging hard-on. Then I got called to the front to do a question. I was so embarrassed, even my teacher could notice. I think she must have found it flattering even though I now know I prefer men. To this day I still get aroused by the quadratic equation."

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10. The ER boner:

Discovery / Via buzzfeed.com

"Hot boiling water spilled out from a bottle onto my stomach, thighs, and penis. The skin ended up looking like a peeled potato with burnt skin all over the place. I was rushed to the hospital in nothing but a huge and very transparent white bedsheet at 1 a.m. Just my luck, the hospital was completely filled with patients at the time. I got a boner for god knows what reason, and it could be seen by all the patients, nurses, and doctors present in that floor. WORST TIME FOR A BONER!"

tarun

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12. The family dinner boner:

Zakharova_natalia / Getty Images / Via thinkstockphotos.com

"My best friend and I were having dinner with his family, including his elderly grandparents. He was standing at the stove to help serve and suddenly looked over at me in horror. Upon seeing that unfortunately timed boner, I replaced him serving so he could go take care of that. We still laugh about it."

alltheselights013

13. The warm beverage boner:

instagram.com

"I once made my boyfriend a proper hot chocolate with marshmallows and all the extras, and he enjoyed it so much he got a boner. I now regularly tease him about the time he was sexually attracted to a hot drink."

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