1. Kale:
Do I eat this or smoke this?
2. Organic juices:
why is it black
how is charcoal a flavor
who thought this was a good idea
how is this even still lemonade
why are those plants there
what kind of fucked-up lemonade stand do you get this from
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
3. Athleisure wear:
LOL $115 FOR A SWEATSHIRT OK.
4. Oatmeal:
Stop making your oatmeal green and forcing it into Mason jars. STOP IT.
5. Enriched water:
STAAAHHHHHPPPPPPP!
6. Veggie alternatives to ground beef:
NOOO NOT WITH BEETS, IT LOOKS FOREVER RAW.
7. Egg whites:
.......
8. ~Green~ juices:
FYI: Chlorophyll is in literally every plant — even the weeds that grow out of the sidewalk.
9. Yoga:
How did she even get up there?
10. Matcha (green tea powder):
Nooooooooo.
11. Bikes:
COME ON.
12. Quinoa:
What...is that?
13. Kombucha:
Was it not weird enough to drink fermented probiotic tea WITHOUT the artisanal beer?
14. Spinach:
Spinach didn't do anything to deserve this.
15. Pomegranates:
Just turn my flip-flops into a chip while you're at it.
16. ~Organic~ popcorn:
?????
17. Avocados:
Any avocado can be worth $20 if you smush it on some toast and serve it on a cheese board with random garnishes.
