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16 Ways To Describe That Friend You Hate

They're not a "character", they're a jebend.

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Everyone has a friend who’s a bit of a twat.

You know the one.

Yes you do.

Stop pretending.

There. That one.

Right, let's list all of the ways you describe that mate to people who don't know him.

1. What you say: “Oh they’re a right character.”

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What you mean: "They're the sort of person who'd think sticking a pube in your lunch is funny."

2. What you say: “They’re all right in small doses.”

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What you mean: "If it was just you two left in the pub, you'd beg for the sweet release of death."

3. What you say: "Oh they're harmless really."

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What you mean: "Do NOT, under any circumstance, let on that their crap jokes annoy you."

4. What you say: "Yeah, but they mean well."

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What you mean: "They're prone to the occasional brainfart, so it's probably best you don't trust them with anything."

5. What you say: "They like a gossip at times."

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What you mean: "They are completely unable to keep their mouth shut."

6. What you say: “They’re a bit like Jay from 'Inbetweeners'.”

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What you mean: "They're a complete cockwomble. Do not believe anything that comes out of their mouth."

7. What you say: "They never really got over the end of Britpop."

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What you mean: "They will talk to you at length of how things were better 'back in the day' in the most obnoxious way possible."

8. What you say: "They're just a bit loud."

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What you mean: "Trying to have a conversation with them is a low level form of torture.

9. What you say: "They can be a bit goofy."

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What you mean: "They are incredibly immature. At no point should you trust this person with responsibility."

10. What you say: "They're a right laugh down the pub though."

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What you mean: "They're a constant source of bad decisions. Also, once the booze ends, the fun does too."

11. What you say: "They can be a bit tactile."

What you mean: "They have absolutely no concept of what is appropriate behaviour."
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What you mean: "They have absolutely no concept of what is appropriate behaviour."

12. What you say: "They have a weird sense of humour."

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What you mean: "Prepare to be offended a lot. Your life will turn into a living hell."

13. What you say: "They can get a little angry at times."

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What you mean: "Give them a WIDE berth when they've had a bad day.

14. What you say: "Just don't get them talking on politics."

What you mean: "This person has questionable views. Prepare to be argue a lot."
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What you mean: "This person has questionable views. Prepare to be argue a lot."

15. What you say: "Don't worry about it, they're just mean to everyone."

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What you mean: "This person never learnt how to behave, but we're too far gone now to fix things."

16. What you say: "Okay, I admit it, they can be a knob."

What you mean: "But you know what? They're still my mate, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
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What you mean: "But you know what? They're still my mate, and I wouldn't have it any other way."