We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest thing they confessed in their diary as a kid. Here are their hilarious responses.
1. The sentient diary.
2. The irresistible crush.
"I know I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend but Elias just dyed the tips of his rat tail blonde." - me when I was 11.
Submitted by Natalia Rincón
3. The silent savior.
"I have no friends. I guess that's not true, because Jesus is my friend. But he won't talk to me either."
Submitted by Rebe Getz
4. The grammar police.
5. The longest day ever.
"Dear journal I am so tired today I might not even finish this...." And I left it at that.
Submitted by alondram4a01384ba
6. The "more than just a fan" kind of love.
"Dear diary, I love Aaron Carter. More than any fan ever, I'm not just a fan, it's more than that. It's real. I will marry him." Xoxox -Shelby
Submitted by shelbyzeej
7. The quick escalation.
8. The former cave diver.
I found a diary from first grade while cleaning recently. "I pick my nose" had been crossed out, and underneath "not anymore" was written.
Submitted by hazell49da6b9e2
9. The friendly poet.
I used to announce when I had a new friend and then I would write an acrostic poem about them.
Submitted by laurenm4af61be16
10. The Space Jam Dad.
11. The heartbreak to end all heartbreaks.
From my 7th grade diary, on the day that my "boyfriend" broke up with me: "Dear Diary, It's over, he dumped me." Then underneath that in giant bubble letters: "I shall never smile again." Then I signed it with my full name in fancy script like it was a death certificate for my heart.
Submitted by Donna Williams, Facebook
12. The creative cartoonist.
I drew a short comic strip of a crab DRINKING A GLASS OF WINE AND THEN GOING TO A FUCKING SAFEWAY FOR CRABS CALLED "CRABWAY."
The comic strip ended with the crab pulling out his wallet upon seeing discount mangoes. Yep. A crab drunk-drove to a parody grocery store to by half-off mangoes.
Submitted by kaileym48b1f189b
13. The bluntly honest summary.
14. The secret urination.
I was cleaning off my desk and found a torn out page from a diary from long ago. It read: "Today I peed my pans. I did not tell my parents. That is all"
Submitted by Oliviagf3
15. The mythical creature maker.
I used to write weird supernatural romance fanfictions involving my crush and I when I was ten years old. My favorite one: We made mer-babies while kissing behind the "Birthing Coral." The Birthing Coral had special powers that if your true love and yourself kissed behind it, you would make mer-babies.
Submitted by tarastar54
16. The existential crisis.
17. The excited calligrapher.
"Pages upon pages of "Cursive, Cursive, I love Cursive." (I had just learned cursive and was super into it)."
Submitted by ariannah4f9665abd
18. The escaped exotic pet.
"I'm NEVER going to stop crying until my dad brings my pet lizard back." (I decided to hold a wild lizard captive in a fanny pack in my house. I left it out one night and my dad threw the lizard outside.)
Submitted by Devin Hall Green, Facebook
19. The life saver.
20. The curious inquiry.
I was in 7th grade and I had just had my first kiss with my then boyfriend Shawn. I wrote in my diary, "Shawn is so cute!! I want to make his babies. I wonder what his peewee looks like." (And btw, we were married just last year. I showed him that thing in my diary and he wouldn't stop laughing for an hour.)
Submitted by emily11062