Zach Woods is your nerdy BFF on HBO's Silicon Valley, right? Well he stopped by BuzzFeed LA to give us the scoop on his time on The Office, going to band camp, and Pirates of Penzance.
1. Zach Woods doesn't have emojis on his phone: "I had an old iPhone 4 that was shattered, and I never replaced it, and it was full so I never could get new stuff," Woods said. He wishes there were an "I'm a little sad, but it's totally manageable" emoji.
2. He's 6'4", but "I have an apologetic slouch, so with my confidence, I'm probably 6'2"," he said.
3. He drew some inspiration for his Silicon Valley character, Jared, from his mom. Woods said, "I feel like there's a certain quality that a lot of moms and some dads have too, which is a degree of sacrifice that is kind of outrageous. Like they make sure everyone is taken care of and then they go eat over the sink."
4. He started reading Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret because he "felt like Jared would like that book. In my head I feel like he loves old strong women. Like, I always thought his first crush was, like, Anne Frank."
5. Woods loves a good ol' Triceratops!
6. The person who kept Woods laughing out loud on set during The Office was Oscar Nuñez (Oscar). "He's incredibly funny," he said. "He's so so so funny. And Creed [Bratton] just as a human specimen is fascinating. He's lived, like, three different lives on top of each other."
7. If he got stuck in a self-driving car like Jared, "I guess I would like it to end up at place that had a good psychiatric hospital so I could recuperate. I guess I'd go to the Scottish Highlands," he said.
8. Woods' favorite cuss words come down to "motherfucker" and "doofus."
9. If Woods could trade pants with someone, "leaving my personal feelings aside," he said, "I'd just have to choose someone who's appropriately sized, and there's limited supply... so, like, the corpse of Abe Lincoln."
10. He has "voluntary insomnia," so his go-to midnight snack would be "bitter herbs, and matzah, or the suffering of Jewish people," Woods said. Thin Mints or a nice PB&J could be a good substitute as well.
11. He said he loves ice cream sandwiches and hitchhikers! (JK — it's a thumbs-up)
12. Woods had a super-easy time throughout high school, but then, "When I weirdly went to jazz camp, I got bullied...AT JAZZ CAMP. I got picked on by a tiny violist. He used to play Magic the Gathering, his viola, take ceramics classes, and then talk SO MUCH shit to me."
13. He eats oatmeal for breakfast. "It's such a boring answer, but it's the truth," Woods said.
14. When it comes to #TheDress he said, "I don't see color and god what a gorgeous fabric. I saw it as blue and gold. Let's end this war." (But he secretly thought it was white and gold.)
15. He said he not only flosses, but has "a pretty severe dental regiment. I have floss, I have an electric thing, I had a water pick for a while, and I never really knew what to do with it."
16. Contrary to popular belief, Woods said he's a Toby lover.
17. When thinking about embarrassing high school memories, for some reason, he said, "Throughout high school I would wear a winter coat during the day like a crazy person. I think it just felt like a hug all the time, like an upright sleeping bag."
18. Woods is team Beyoncé over Taylor Swift, but he said, "I find them both very intimidating. They seem like the most badass women in the world. I feel like they're people who would somehow fire me."
19. On determining his favorite Disney Princess, "I always thought Ariel was a real piece of shit," Woods said. "She has a whole song like 'I want more.' It's literally like, 'I've got a lot of shit, but I'm not content.'" Ultimately, Belle is the winner in his eyes.
20. He said the first cassette he ever bought was Pirates of Penzance. "I was obsessed with Pirates of Penzance when I was a kid."
21. "This is Linda Ronstadt from Pirates of Penzance," he said, "but I accidentally gave her a lantern jaw. I drew Linda Ronstandt with Josh Brolin's jaw."
22. Woods said Kumail Nanjiani (Dinesh) would be the Silicon Valley cast member who would be most likely to have a successful startup. "Kumail used to do programming, apparently very badly, but he did it so he has baseline familiarity."
23. The best part about living in a small town was Halloween. "There were homegrown haunted houses, although sometimes the darker, creepier neighbors would get carried away," he said.
24. The worst thing that happened to Woods at an improv show was when "a guy threw a pint of ice cream on stage, and I ate some of it, which was a terrible idea," he said.
25. Woods said he peed his pants in karate class when he was younger. "During a whole class that's about protecting yourself and maintaining your dignity, I pissed in my gi. It was at an age where it wasn't troubling, just humiliating."