Something's coming for the gyms of the world, and it goes by the name of "New Year, New You." Yeah, the gyms are about to get fucking packed.
We're not talking about you, people who are ACTUALLY serious about getting in shape AND sticking around.
1. First of all, you'll notice something's not right when your usual parking spot is taken. Actually every parking spot will be taken.
2. Then, while you're looking for somewhere to park, you'll notice crowds of irritable people funneling into the gym's doors.
3. You then walk into your gym and find it overrun by mindless sweaty randos.
4. In fact, you can't even move without inhaling a puff of I-haven't-worked-out-in-a-year B.O. or getting sweat dripped on you from these newbies.
5. People are complaining everywhere about how hard everything is and how sore they are from yesterday's workout.
6. And warm sweat is left all over the equipment.
7. People like this dude will be attempting to do curls with bench press bars at your favorite station...
8. ... Only to take 10-minute breaks between reps to look at their phones.
9. You'll just want to get your workout in but you have to wait for some person to finish... uh... what they're doing on your next station.
10. Because of this sudden influx of people, all the equipment will start breaking left and right.
11. Then some people will fail to use anything correctly, and you're left to pick up the pieces.
12. People will invent crazy new workouts, and they'll be stuck replaying in your head for days.
13. As soon as you find an open spot, this ends up being your view.
14. And people will stop in the middle of a workout just to take the "New Year, New Me" selfie, and you will have to watch.
15. You'll try to get on the treadmill but they're all taken by way-too-enthusiastic new runners.
16. Then you'll look to your left and see someone killing it by EATING AND WORKING OUT.
17. And over to your right, there will be that flawless new girl who does everything perfectly.
And you're just like:
18. So, you go to a class and realize either the class is already full and you can't take it...
19. ... Or you'll need to stuff yourself into the back of the room only to barely hear what the instructor is saying.
20. You'll head to the locker room, but because it's so packed you have a terribly awkward, too-close-for-comfort moment with a stranger.
21. Then you'll come face to face with way too many nude people milling around with EVERYTHING out.
22. After you get past the mobs of nudity, you have to wait in line for a shower BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY DAMN PEOPLE WITH ~FIT IN '15~ RESOLUTIONS.
23. After you finally get into the shower, you attempt to process all the horrors you just witnessed.
You question if you should even return. But one thing you know is certain, it's only a phase for some people.
And you know this is how the gym will be in February,