1. It is impossible to fit a wine bottle in a bag.
We've been to the moon, but science has yet to tackle this problem.
2. When drinking, it won't be unusual for you to sit alone, laughing at a glass of wine...
3. ...or at the ceiling if you're with friends.
4. Drinking alcohol will make you forget how to properly wear a tie.
5. In fact, it's a gateway drink to poor dressing.
6. Drinkers have been known to shun appropriate clothing entirely.
7. Overconsumption can cause you to shrink and fall into your glass.
These guys WERE identical twins…
8. Sometimes it can cause you to blackout entirely.
9. Never accept beer from someone who doesn't understand how to use a handle.
10. It's great to drink while watching generic #sports matches with popcorn.
11. Alcohol is a gateway to other vices…
12. If you stare at your drink for long enough, it will levitate.
13. In Ireland, all alcohol is green.
And it can only be drunk if you're wearing a hat.