10 Stages Of A Day In The Life Of An Unemployed Graduate

Yay I finished university! Wait, what happens now? Am I supposed to be an adult already?!

1. You wake up, probably not feeling like P. Diddy.

If you wake up before midday, then congratulations. You've already had a productive and successful day. Go you!

Whatever time you wake up, chances are you will get a cup of tea then go straight back to bed. Where you will spend the next hour contemplating what to do today, and if its really essential to shower yet.

2. Then you'll check your email, hoping and praying that someone will have offered you a job.

Jodi Matthews

Don't be silly. Of course nobody has offered you a job. Nobody has even replied saying you didn't get the job. All those applications you sent out seem like a waste of time now.

3. Oh well, time to send out some more applications.

Please hire me, pleeaaase hire me. Look at my degree, look at it! Will you please hire me? I promise that I'm a nice person, doesn't that count for something?

4. Why are these applications so complicated!?

Can I give you an example of where I've been an effective communicator in small groups?

Sure, I've many years experience of talking to people. Is that good enough? No? Well, what about that one time I did a group project and managed not to murder the rest of my group? Still no?

5. These applications may start to send you crazy.

You will spend around four hours editing and tailoring your cover letter. 45 minutes of this will be spend wondering if it sounds better to say your communication skills are 'excellent' or 'exceptional'.

6. Time for some food and a TV break.

Despite your best intentions that this will only last an hour, you won't be getting anything done for the next three hours at least. Don't underestimate how invested you will get in the lives of strangers. Damn you, Jezza!

7. Around now you might start shopping for some dream interview outfits.

These outfits will be great for my future professional career! Oh but I've got no money. Damn that £80 train ticket for an interview for an unpaid work experience placement that I never heard back from. If it wasn't for you I could buy two of these cute blouses and look like a real adult.

8. Right, I need a job for money. Back to those applications.

AM I EXCELLENT OR EXCEPTIONAL? Oh my god, what if I'm neither....

9. Maybe I don't need a job. Maybe I can go back to uni...

I'll definitely get a job if I have a Masters. And a PHD.

Plus I'm all about that student life.

10. Nope, I CAN and WILL get a job.

Sooner or later, I will be a functional and employed adult.

Just keep applying, just keep applying, just keep applying...