1. No matter how tired you may be on a long haul flight, we're definitely sleepier.
2. We can nap literally anywhere, for any given amount of time.
3. Learning to smile that much is a PRACTISED skill.
4. Speaking of vomit, we’re pretty unfazed by it.
5. You’ll be hard pressed to find an air hostess who is in the Mile High Club.
6. What happens on layovers stays on layovers.
7. At home, we are total flakes.
8. On board, hygiene is king. We’ve been known to wash our hands with bottled alcohol when the disinfectant runs out.
9. Our handbags are the most terrifyingly organised yet random things you will ever see.
10. If you see us standing in a random spot in the cabin during lights out, we’re not really keeping an eye on you.
11. We love it when you come and talk to us during quiet hours on long haul because we are SO. BORED.
12. We have a bizarre tolerance for bad behaviour from passengers - we understand that being tired, uncomfortable, and scared makes us all act out sometimes.
13. That said, if you’re really rude, we have ways of dealing with you...
14. Like pretending not to understand your accent.
15. Telling you there is no more of something that you want, when there clearly is.
16. And exerting our unbelievable power by REALLY MAKING SURE your seatbelt is done up EXTRA TIGHT.
17. When we travel ourselves, we are totally outraged by having to actually queue for customs.
18. And we are TOTALLY judging the level of service on board, mostly by throwing shade at scruffy hostesses with bad attitudes and shoddy hair to boot.
19. We have no body clocks and we put up with more shit than you can imagine (literally, we have seen poo on the most inconceivable of surfaces).
20. We can’t stay in one place for too long any more.
21. We're always waiting for our next rota.
22. Oh and one last thing. If the oxygen masks ever come down during a flight - you will already have shat yourself, because science.
Note: This post was written under a pseudonym.