Returning To The Nest: What I've Learned

There's no classroom like moving back in with mom and dad.

Turns out you don't get jobs ten seconds after graduating college so, moving back home with your parents is a real thing that happens. I prolonged the inevitability of moving home by taking a full-time nannying job for the summer after graduation. By the time summer was over, I was sick of taking care of someone else's kids and thought I was finally ready to move home.

I've been living at home for just under five months now and it has been a learning curve, let me tell you. I've been keeping track of all the things I've learned and the ways I've changed over these past few months and I figured it was time the world knew.

Can I Go To Bed Yet?

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I once thought an 8am cycling class was like waking up in the middle of the night. Now, I get up at 6:30 and force myself to stay up until 10. Getting dressed to go out at 9:30 feels like a lifetime away.

Hi, I'm turning into you.

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You know how you become most like the five people you spend your time with? Well now that my parents are two of those five I'm slowly turning into them. I correct the grammar in our local paper (thanks, mom) and overuse "Holy Toledo" as a reaction phrase (thanks, dad).

Balanced meals are important.

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It turns out a diet of vodka, gummy bears and McDonald's fries is not acceptable in my new life. I knew this before I turned 18 and moved away from home, I think. Now, I drink green smoothies like it's my job and sugar free, carb free cheesecake only tastes like dirt sometimes. PROGRESS.

Use it or lose it.

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I learned important things from living with all girls. Things like how to cut hair out of a vacuum and clear a garbage disposal of broken shot glasses. Now as the least responsible at my parent's house I forget to blow out candles, add soap to the laundry and lock the door when I leave home sometimes.

Parents actually know how to spend their money.

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In college we used to order pizza instead of running the heat and hide things from our landlord so we didn't have to pay for them. Now, I understand real adults run the heat and repair things instead of blow money on pizza. It's been eye-opening.

Beyoncé means nothing to these people.

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I can discuss most pop culture things with my mom and she understands them. This, evidently, does not include saying "I woke up like this, flawless" on a bad hair day, buying a sweatshirt that says "Livin' La Vida Broka" or naming all five members of 1D ("Um, Harry, the little one, the irish one, kid with the pretty eyelashes and the one who dances").

Is this Alzheimers?

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I have never had more medical concerns in my life. Between my dad's fear of deteriorating bones and my moms confidence she is developing Alzheimer's, I live in a world of fear. I drink milk for my bones and exercise my mind daily just in case.

Oh, is that another job I can apply for?

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I thought I might enjoy a few months of no school and no job. FALSE. It took three weeks home before I started applying for jobs like it was, well, my job. Spending every waking hour with my parents was enough to make me nuts. I love them but holy Toledo (thanks, dad) I needed an escape.

Socially acceptable habits are what again?

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College is honestly a four year vortex of bad habits, sleep deprivation, alcohol and studying. Take away the studying/education part and you’re just left with a bunch of habits. Moving home I was reminded that binge watching Netflix all day on a Wednesday is not okay, drinking every night of the week is not recommended and picking up after myself is conducive to parental roommate happiness.

There's no way I'll ever afford any of these fancy things.

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I did not know I needed a Vita-Mix or a Keurig in my life until I moved home. Now, I don't think I'll be able to live without them. Worse, I don't forsee a time where I can afford either one on my own.

One day I'll move out again but I'll probably still worry about my bones and AD, though.

Moving back to the nest-- it's a wild ride, man.