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Which Hastings Villain Are You?

Hastings, Nebraska, the Queen City of the Plains, has faced immense trials and tribulations since its founding in 1874. While a great many wonderful souls have spent their days in our fair berg, just as many, if not more, nefarious characters have made their home here as well. Which villain are you? Take the quiz to find out and be ashamed of your inner demons.

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  1. It's a hot Saturday in Hastings, Nebraska. How do you spend your afternoon?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bumbling around town with a lit cigar
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Hanging outside the apartment of that cute girl that came into your office the other day
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Jealously watching taped VHS videos of the Johnny Carson show
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Keeping my hard-earned taxpayer money away from city officials!
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Memorizing the routines of the local grocery store owner
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Shaking my fist at those filthy orphans splashing about in the public fountain
  2. What kind of tree would you hang a tire swing in?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Linden tree; a sturdy and native tree
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A pine tree; the pine needles make excellent prickling supplies
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A fruit-bearing tree of any variety; all the better for free groceries
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A birch tree; the most flammable tree
    Correct
    Incorrect
    An aspen tree to make homemade matches to light my cigars
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Mossy oak; the closer to the pond, the better
  3. Correct
    Incorrect
    Goose jerky
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Warm, flat Diet Coke from a can
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Flamin' Hot Cheetos™
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Pop Rocks
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Stolen cheese
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Lollipop from the office
  4. You are left with an immense fortune after the untimely demise of your parents/guardians; how do you spend it?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Launching an elaborate campaign to save a parking lot
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Invest in the rising Flavor-Aid market
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Tickets to see Johnny Carson live
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A metric ton of dynamite
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I spend it all at the local brothel
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Groceries
  5. What is your drink of choice?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Scotch and a cigar
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bloody Mary
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Grey Goose Vodka
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Tap Water
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Sex on the Beach, with a little something extra ;)
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Flaming Lamborghini
  6. Looking at the clouds, what shape do you see?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A clear sky, no clouds
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A shapely woman
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A pair of baby converse
    Correct
    Incorrect
    You accidentally stare at the sun and become momentarily blinded
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A cash register
    Correct
    Incorrect
    You only see shooting stars at night
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